Dr. Ross Greene served on the faculty at Harvard Medical School for over 20 years, and is now adjunct Associate Professor in the Department of Psychology at Virginia Tech and adjunct Professor in the Faculty of Science at the University of Technology Sydney in Australia. He is the author of the influential, well-known best-selling books The Explosive Child and Lost at School as well as Raising Human Beings, Lost and Found and Lost in School and has helped to bring about an upcoming documentary called “The Kids We Lose.” He is a fierce and articulate advocate for the compassionate understanding and treatment of behaviorally challenging kids and their caregivers. Drawing upon vast clinical and consultation experience and research in the neurosciences, his innovative, research-based Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) approach – which posits that challenging behavior is the result of lagging skills (rather than lagging motivation) and emphasizes solving problems collaboratively (rather than use of motivational procedures) – has been implemented in countless families and hundreds of schools, inpatient units, and residential and juvenile detention facilities. The Collaborative & Proactive Solutions model helps parents, teachers, and kids work together to solve problems in a way that respects our kids while supporting them in improving their behavior. Dr. Greene is also the founder of Lives in the Balance, which aims to provide resources and programs to caregivers of behaviorally challenging kids, address the issues that cause many of these kids to slip through the cracks; and to promote practices that foster the better side of human nature in all children.
With so many opportunities and demands made on children today, it can be hard to balance sports, homework, activities and yes, if we can muster it, downtime for our kids. How do we help our children and our families make decisions about what to commit to and what to forego during the already busy school year?
We are right at that moment in my own house, as my daughter signed up for violin this year within her school— but was learning piano last year after school, learned guitar in summer camp— so…does she do all three now? And let’s not forget that she also take gymnastics and “mom, can I take horseback riding too?”— oh! And Hebrew school, we’ve got that also. And did I mention I have a son? For him, soccer, mad science and yes, Hebrew school as well. Just looked at all the options can make a parent tired. We give ourselves a lot of pep talks about how our kids behave better when they ‘re busy, and we have to work so our kids might as well be doing something productive and isn’t it better for them to be around other kids expanding their minds, seeking their passion or moving their bodies? And if yes, which direction do we go and how can we remain grounded, sane and happy in the process?
For a discussion about sports, homework, after-school activities, downtime and how to get it all in to our schedules, we are turning to guest, KJ Dell’Antonia for a second time (she was on in March talking about how to be a happier parent).
Parenting young children can be tough! They can get overloaded, stuck, frustrated and as we’ve talked about before, they need our help when their limbic brains are on meltdown. So what can you SAY, THINK and DO, to help your children manage their BIG feelings and learn to do as you ask? Today, we are talking a second time with pediatric Psychologist, Dr. Lynne Kenney, about how to handle the tantrums, the “I won’ts” and “I can’ts”, to help you parent with more collaboration, peace, and calm in your family.
Parenting these days can be very reactionary. We have lots of pressure and little time and often many feelings of not being enough, constantly striving, competing with others and overall disconnection. We have big reactions or, perhaps we might say, our big reactions have us. But what if we practiced more aware parenting? What if we become more in touch with our own senses, our mental state, our bodies and our relationship to ourselves and to others and how our awareness could affect our parenting and our lives? When we become aware and reflective of our reactions and what is indeed feeding these reactions, we can become more receptive, calm, balanced, compassionate and positive in the way we parent our kids and more balanced in our own wellbeing. And imagine what we can teach our kids—by showing awareness and practicing awareness, we can then teach them to the do the same in their own lives. Is there a way to cultivate this awareness? Is there a way to teach our kids to practice awareness as children and teenagers? For these questions and more, we turn to our guest today, Dr. Dan Siegel.
Devorah Heitner, PhD is the author of Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World and the founder of Raising Digital Natives. She passionately believes in the power of mentoring kids in creating a positive tech culture and she is delighted to be raising her own digital native. She’s also super cool and actually has an article out about some things to consider if your child wants to be a youtube star in the Washington Post—and we’re going to dig right and flesh out the information so we know how to have this discussion about fame, social media and what to look out for if your child brings the idea of putting videos up on social media to your attention—best to be prepared, right?
Family rules. Something every family needs but likely has not formally discussed or written down. Think about it– does your family have known, documented family rules?
Rules make the household “work.” They keep things safe and fair for everyone. With rules, kids know what is to be expected and can rise to the occasion. Of course, without known rules, it’s very hard to enforce them, use them for guidance or for each family member to know when they’ve crossed the line.
As I’m getting ready to release my very first Family Action Blueprint (forthcoming) package that centers on family rule development and discussion, I certainly have tons of ideas!
Below is an example of 10 rules to get you thinking of what you’d like to post on your fridge and discuss in your family meeting. However, I encourage you to ask your children to contribute to the family rules as I’ve continued to learn that when working with young people; if you say it, it can be ignored or challenged, if they say it, it becomes the gospel truth.
You can ask directly; Read more
Dr. Wendy Sue Swanson is welcomed back to the show– who you will remember from our show on how to talk to kids about food allergies. Bridging the digital divide between doctors and patients, Dr. Swanson, Chief of Digital Innovation at Seattle Children’s Hospital has blazed a trail of patient education using her voice through a variety of different channels in traditional and social media. Through her blog, podcast , social media channels and her parenting book she translates science and parenting information to the public. Swanson also regularly partners with reporters in traditional print, online, and television media and makes weekly TV appearances in Seattle with NBC affiliate, KING5 News. She hopes to transform the paternalistic approach to messaging into an empowered, patient-centered one where peers learn from each other and from expert advice online. Check her out at http://seattlemamadoc.seattlechildrens.org/
It was 1996, my Freshman year of college, when I came face-to-face with a truth that still follows me today- one unifying concern that almost all girls and women seem to share is that they want to change something about their bodies. I still remember when it happened, as it came as a surprise to me. One of my friends asked me if my thighs touched. This gifted young woman, with big brown eyes, a sharp brain and warm heart worried that how close her thighs were to the other cancelled out her talents, intelligence and overall value.
It stuck with me. I spoke to countless other women and teens along the way who felt similarly. Despite the strengths they had to offer, they felt that “looks” were more important than their other attributes.
In graduate school, I studies body image. In fact, I wrote a qualifying paper and my 167-page dissertation on the topic. As it turns out, even research tells us that despite all that women and girls have to offer this world, 96% of girls and women want to change something about their bodies.
I completed my book, Good Girls Don’t Get Fat: How Weight Obsession is Messing Up Our Girls & How We Can Help Them Thrive Despite It, based on my dissertation work, in 2009 with my newborn baby girl, Tallie, strapped to my chest. The book was published in 2010. It’s 2018– and the issue is just as prevalent today as it was then. But of course, my own mothering love and worry for my now 9-year-old daughter and her beautiful friends, sheds a much more personal light to this prevalent problem.
So, how can we help our girls thrive? Read more
Imagine being stuck in a world that doesn’t really “get” who you are. You’re different and in many cases, people see these differences as bad and something that needs to be fixed. My next guest, Deborah Reber, has spoke to us before about neurodiversity- and is back to talk more specifically about what she refers to as “differently wired” kids. We are talking about the one in five children with ADHD, dyslexia, Asperger’s, giftedness, anxiety, sensory processing disorder, and other neurodifferences. One in five—20% of children are neurodiverse and they have many challenges they must face. And along with these kids, come the parents who love them but arean’t quite sure how to best help their kids but will try just about anything. They try to find the right school, teachers, therapists, medications, as well as the right parenting group and friends who will support them. It’s hard to know how to handle it all- but Debbie Reber is here to help.
Dr. Gail Dines is a Professor Emerita of sociology and women’s studies at Wheelock College in Boston. She is the author of numerous books and articles, and her latest book, Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked Our Sexuality, has been translated into five languages. Dr Dines is the founding president of the Non-profit, Culture Reframed. Dedicated to building resilience and resistance in children and youth to the harms of a hypersexualized and pornified society, Culture Reframed develops cutting-edge educational programs that promote healthy development, relationships, and sexuality. Dr. Dines is an internationally known speaker and consultant to governmental bodies here and abroad.