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How to Use Duct Tape Parenting to Raise Respectful, Responsible & Resilient Kids with Vicki Hoefle

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Special guest: Vicki Hoefle.
Ask an audience of parents to shout out the most annoying behaviors their children exhibit that they desperately want to get rid of—there won’t be lack of answers. From fighting and hitting to getting up from the table, getting out of bed, making a mess, whining and talking back—parents have a bunch of challenges they are trying to solve to make their family homes more peaceful, their mornings or evening routines easier and their kids more cooperative or responsible. But what if I told you that the strategies we often employ to deal with these frustrating behaviors was, well, wrong? From nagging to judging, correcting, time-outs, reminding, lecturing and saving—our strategies might just be mere bandaids –or the very things that are making the behaviors worse? And what if there were actually strategies—governed by a key parenting philosophy– that could make it better—and help our kids to become confident, competence, responsible members of society? What in the world could make this magical philosophy work so well? You might be surprised by the answer—it’s Duct tape.

Vicki Hoefle is a popular parent educator, speaker and author of Duct Tape Parenting: A Less Is More Approach to Raising Respectful, Responsible, and Resilient Kids and The Straight Talk on Parenting: A No Nonsense Approach on How to Grow a Grownup. She has Helped thousands of families for over two decades by sharing her parenting tips and techniques across the country. She combines expertise in Adlerian Psychology with a suite of actionable, time-tested tools. A master story teller who is part comedian, part sage, mostly parent, Vicki offers ways to strengthen and enhance the parent-child relationship and bring out the best in each parent, the best in each child, and the best in each encounter. Vicki Hoefle leads parent education programs nationwide. Vicki’s parenting philosophy and approach to raising “thinking” children, does not include “getting children” to comply or using so-called “discipline” strategies (which include nagging, reminding, lecturing, bribing, counting, and time-outing) for dealing with pesky behaviors. Her strategies work for every family—and we couldn’t be more excited to talk about them today.

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How to Talk to Kids about Suicide with Dr. Dan Reidenberg

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Special guest: Dr. Dan Reidenberg.
Nearly 800,000 people die by suicide in the world each year, which is roughly one death every 40 seconds. Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in the world for those aged 15-24 years. Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for 15 to 24-year-old Americans, according to the CDC. These are the statistics—but when it comes to suicide and talking to kids, the statistics don’t give us the words, the feelings, the loss, the answers. In fact, Everytime there is a suicide in our communities, in our schools, in our families, and in the lives of our children- it usually leaves us with more questions than answers. How do we talk to kids about this extremely difficult topic? 

Dr. Dan Reidenberg is the Executive Director of Suicide Awareness Voices of Education, SAVE, Managing Director of the National Council for Suicide Prevention and is on the Executive Board of the International Association for Suicide Prevention.  He is Co-Chair of the International Media and Suicide Task Force—and serves on the numerous national and international advisory boards. He has speaks about suicide and suicide prevention internationally and has written many articles and book chapters about it as well. Dr. Reidenberg has been interviewed by major media sources from around the world including CNN, Larry King, Good Morning America, the New York Times and Washington Post and has helped develop the US National Strategy for Suicide Prevention and the National Research Agenda (US). He has received numerous awards for his work including the Service to Humanity Award, Service to Suicidology Award, and as a Champion of Change by The Obama Administration.

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The Good News about Bad Behavior with Katherine Reynolds Lewis

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Special guest: Katherine Reynolds Lewis.
There is a new and surprising problem that has quietly but perhaps not unnotably come to fruition during more recent years—our children are out of control in comparison to previous generations. It’s not your imagination. A recent study of first-graders found that they could sit still for no more than three minutes—which is actually only a quarter of the time that their peers could in 1948. Government statistics show that half of all children will develop a mood or behavioral disorder or a substance addiction by age 18. What the heck is going on? I receive questions through Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and email all asking about what parents, teachers and coaches can do to get children to behave better. The old methods of rewards and punishments—star charts and time outs are not working. Are your ears perking up? We’ve all seen it and you are not alone.

My next guest has some good news about bad behavior—and some great tips and scripts to help us better understand our children and how to help our children learn to self-regulate.

Katherine Reynolds Lewis is an award-winning journalist and author of The Good News About Bad Behavior: Why Kids Are Less Disciplined Than Ever – And What to Do About It. Her work has appeared in the Atlantic, Fortune, Money, Mother Jones, The New York Times, Parade, Slate, USA Today’s magazine group, the Washington Post Magazine and Working Mother. She’s an EWA Education Reporting Fellow and Logan Nonfiction Fellow at the Carey Institute for Global Good. Residencies include the Virginia Center for the Creative Arts and Ragdale. Previously, Katherine was a national correspondent for Newhouse and Bloomberg News, covering everything from financial and media policy to the White House. She holds a BA in physics from Harvard University and is a certified parent educator with the Parent Encouragement Program (PEP) in Kensington, Md. She and her husband Brian are the proud parents of three children, 25, 14 and 12 years old.

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How to Talk to Kids about Grit and Passion with Jodi Bondi Norgaard

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Special guest: Jodi Bondi Norgaard.
How do we keep going, hammering away at our dreams, when we find ourselves faced with disappointment, frustration, failure and a big fat NO from those who can help make these dreams happen? It comes down to perseverance. Persistence. Determination and grit. We keep on going because there is a fire in us that tells us we must try yet another time. How does this play out in real life? Just recently, one of my very best friends posted a video of her daughter playing a song on the piano. A year ago, she had committed to learning “Piano Man” by Billy Joel—a very challenging goal for the then, 9-year-old. But she was adamant about doing it—and she persevered. She hit bumps in the road, valleys on tough days, fumbling fingers and wrong notes. But she kept going. Today, she debuted the song—and it was delightful. A full year of dedication to a goal from a child—that’s a huge part of her life. But she will always know that when she sticks to something—when she sets a goal and perseveres—she can make what seems monumentally challenging—an achieved reality.

Today we are going to talk to someone who also made her goal a reality despite facing frustration, failure and disapproval. She, too, persevered—and so we will devote today’s special podcast to how she reached down deep to keep going and what words of advice she has for our children who must learn to do this too, in their own way. How do we help kids find their passion? And how do we help them go after it when they find it—despite the fact that success doesn’t happen in a straight line?

Jodi Bondi Norgaard is the creator of the award-winning Go! Go! Sports Girls line of dolls and books for girls encouraging healthy and active play over fashion and body image. Jodi is a consultant, activist, and keynote speaker, inspiring and empowering women and girls throughout the world.
 
She has been featured on national media including The Today Show, Forbes, and Upworthy. In 2016, Jodi was invited by the Obama-era White House to participate in conferences on breaking down gender stereotypes in media and toys. The Go! Go! Sports Girls brand was recently acquired by Jazz-wears (Jazwares), an established cutting-edge toy company.

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How to Use Positive Discipline to Stop Power Struggles and Raise Empowered Capable Kids with Jane Nelsen

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Special guest: Dr. Jane Nelsen.
Children are always learning- and yes, they also make a lot of mistakes. Whether they are fighting with their siblings, tantruming about bedtime, missing the bus, forgetting their homework or talking back to you, it seems like there is a constant need for correction, apologies and do-overs. At the same time, there are all kinds of parents and teachers out there who witness such mistakes—from people who watch children act out or mess up and punish them or deliver punitive consequences immediately—to those who are incredibly permissive—who see children do something undesired and simply turn the other cheek and say; “kids will be kids.” Many parents and educators fall somewhere in between or vacillate between the two extremes of punitive and permissive.

Of course, most parents and teachers are just trying to figure out how to raise children who are kind, responsible, cooperative and self-disciplined. But what if I told you that there are many parenting and teaching skills that we can talk about right now that are non-punitive and not permissive—but would help children learn self-discipline, responsibility, and problem-solving skills—helping them to grow up into adults who can use these skills throughout their lives? Whether you are trying to get the kids to school on time, get everyone to agree on a movie for movie night or get from place to place without someone yelling or kicking or needling someone else in the car, we all deal with power struggles and frustration. Today, we’ve got positive discipline expert, Jane Nelsen on the show—and she’s going to help us learn how to be both kind and firm, connect with our children, give them a sense of belonging and significance—while helping them choose right from wrong.

Dr. Jane Nelsen is the mother of 7, grandmother of 22, and great grandmother of 13. She is also the author and co-author of many best-selling Positive Discipline books including Positive Discipline: The Classic Guide to Helping Children Develop Self-Discipline, Responsibility, Cooperation and Problem-Solving Skills and Positive Discipline Parenting Tools. An internationally known speaker and parenting expert, Jane is a California licensed marriage, family and child therapist, and received her doctorate in Educational Psychology from the University of San Francisco.

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How to Talk to Kids about Being a Durable Human in a Digital World with Jenifer Joy Madden

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Special guest: Jenifer Joy Madden.
According to Forbes magazine, the most sought-after attributes in an employee are not technical. All are human-centered, including the ability to work in a team, make decisions, and prioritize. But authors and experts have found a sad shift regardless- During a lecture at Rochester Institute for Technology, Allen Chochinov urged design students not to eliminate human input. He admitted: “Today, if you want to know what’s wrong with a car engine, you can’t even open it. You need to plug in a computer. High schools are dropping shop class. Soon, no one will know how to do anything.” Is he onto something? What do we lose when we gain so much technology?
My next guest says; “In this age when Google, GPS, and artificial intelligence can perform so many of our basic functions, it’s gotten to the point where we need to be actively human so that we are more effective and less overwhelmed.” We have so many tools to simplify our lives- they think for us, navigate for us, create for us, entertain for us but it often seems that these tools that are meant to simplify, leave us busier, crazier, and more “all over the place” than ever. I don’t know about you but I often feel like I’m being shot out of a cannon—running from place to place without a slow-down in sight. Now we’ve talked about technology with Sue Scheff and Devorah Heitner and some other wonderful guests- and we’ve talked about mindfulness not too long ago with crowd-favorite Dr. Laura Markham- but we’ve got to really delve into what’s going to help us thrive and survive in a digital world without losing ourselves and losing our children to screens and technology- and I don’t mean just the time spent on these devices and plugged in- but what we might be losing in terms of creativity, curiosity, empathy, compassion, health and memory—how can we exist in this digital world, maintain what makes us beautifully human, and become, what my next guest calls “durable.”

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How to Talk to Kids about Traumatic Events and Natural Disasters with Karen Young

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School shootings, traumatic weather events, local fires and acts of terror– When the world is struck with a catastrophic event, it is natural to want to shield our children from the effects of it. We want to keep their innocence in tact- allowing them to grow up carefree and unfettered—feeling safe and calm wherever they go. We might wonder, if we just don’t talk about it- could our children remain in their happy little bubble for the time being?

The problem is—we live in a world where children receive messages about traumatic events from many different avenues- it’s not just the news that we can easily turn off—or even the 24/7 access to the internet that provides a play by play as negative stories develop. It’s also that different families have different rules about such access- with multiple kids of various ages in their homes who are permitted to have more access- so that might mean you send your blithely innocent child to school, ignorant of the scary events that might have occurred, only to have them bombarded with the news from a more informed (perhaps not accurately so) child on the bus—or from a group of kids in class.

Knowing that something has happened but not having anyone to explain it in age-appropriate terms and how it relates to our specific children can be frightening to anyone. We all need context, assurance and our own concerns addressed by someone we trust—our kids actually need information to feel safe and– as a parent or educator who knows the child, you are the perfect person to have this conversation with them. I’ve talked about this on national TV shows and in written press but I thought it was important to talk about it on my podcast—especially through the lens of anxiety as many kids have trouble dealing with such large-scale events.

My next guest tells us that since you know your child best, “it’s important to manage the conversation (Or, shall we say, tailor it) based on who they are, what they already know, and what it means for them.”

Karen Young has been on our podcast before- talking about anxiety. In fact, her podcast episode is in the top 5 most downloaded episodes of How to Talk to Kids about Anything, of all time. She is back today to discuss with me how we can talk to kids about traumatic world events. Karen has worked as a psychologist in private practice and in educational settings. She founded the popular website, Hey Sigmund, which attracts millions of readers each year. Karen is a sought-after speaker, both at home in Australia and internationally. She is the author of ‘Hey Warrior’, a book for kids to help them understand anxiety and find their ‘brave’. The book has now been translated into a number of languages.

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How to Talk to Kids about Sports, Athletics and the Love of the Game with John O’Sullivan

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Why do children play sports? According to a study by researchers at Notre Dame’s Center for Ethical Education, it’s to (#1) have fun, then—do something that are good at, improve skills, get exercise, be part of a team and enjoy the excitement of competition. But looking out at many sports fields or at many athletic events- sometimes, if we are being truthful, it looks like we are missing the mark. There are coaches screaming and parents gritting their teeth, fans yelling at referees and teammates shunning other teammates over missed goals or botched moves. What happened to the carefree freedom and fun that sports and athletic engagement once gave us? It’s no wonder so many kids drop out of sports by the age of 13. And if we are really to ask ourselves how we can develop strong athletes who thrive at peak performance- do we really think this is the way? My next guest has some other ideas that can really help us.

John O’Sullivan started the Changing the Game Project in 2012 after two decades as a soccer player- collegiate and professional- and a coach on the youth, high school, college and professional level.  He is the author of the #1 bestselling books Changing the Game: The Parents Guide to Raising Happy, High Performing Athletes, Giving Youth Sports Back to our Kids and Is it Wise to Specialize? John’s work has been featured in The Huffington Post, CNN.com, Outside Magazine, ESPN.com, Soccer America and numerous other publications. John is an internationally known speaker for coaches, parents and youth sports organizations, and has spoken for TEDx, the National Soccer Coaches Association of America, US Lacrosse, IMG Academy, and at numerous other events throughout the US, Canada, Asia and Europe. He has a popular podcast for coaches called Way of the Champions and has even consulted with the US Olympic Committee.

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How to Talk to Kids about Smart Money Management with Rachel Cruze

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Many children grow up with no clue about how money works—what it means to save for something they want, how to spend wisely, how work can translate into money and why we must give to others in need as part of our life’s journey. Somehow, in our busy lives, discussions about money get pushed off until later. But of you think about it, when kids don’t know how money works when they are younger and under your roof, it can set them up for some big money mistakes when they are away at college or off on their own. So “money talks” are some important discussions we all need to have with our kids.

My next guest knows more than a thing or two about these money talks as she’s been having these conversations as long as she can remember with her own parents—that’s just part of growing up Ramsey.

As a #1 New York Times best-selling author, host of The Rachel Cruze Show, and The Rachel Cruze Show podcast, Rachel helps people learn the proper ways to handle money and stay out of debt. She’s authored three best-selling books, including Love Your Life, Not Theirs and Smart Money Smart Kids, which she co-wrote with her father, Dave Ramsey. You can follow Rachel on Twitter and Instagram with the handle @RachelCruze and online at rachelcruze.com, youtube.com/rachelcruze or facebook.com/rachelramseycruze.

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How to Talk to Girls About Managing Stress and Anxiety with Dr. Lisa Damour

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We have all seen the spikes in anxiety and stress in our young people these days. There is an unbelievable amount of pressure to succeed, to look perfect, to be liked and to do it all. There are pressures at home, in school, within relationships and it feels heavy and constant. Now, though anxiety has risen among young people overall, studies confirm that it has skyrocketed in girls. What in the world is going on here? And what can we do about it? For the answers to these questions, we are turning to best-selling author, Dr. Lisa Damour.

Lisa Damour writes the monthly adolescence column for the New York Times, serves as a regular contributor to CBS News, maintains a private psychotherapy practice, consults and speaks internationally, and is a Senior Advisor to the Schubert Center for Child Studies at Case Western Reserve University. Dr. Damour is the author of numerous academic papers, chapters, and books related to parenting and child development including her 2016 New York Times best seller, Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood and now, Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls, comes out TODAY- lucky us- so welcome Dr. Lisa Damour
to how to talk to kids about anything!

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