How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen with Joanna Faber & Julie King

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Special guests: Joanna Faber & Julie King. What do you do with a little kid who won’t brush his teeth? Screams in his car seat? Pinches the baby? Refuses to eat her vegetables? Throws books at the library and runs rampant in the restaurant? We’ve all been there. How many of us have seen the parent with the child at the supermarket who is throwing one big tantrum in the cereal aisle because s/he won’t buy the super sugar rainbowloops that he had to– HAD TO– have? How many of us have BEEN that parent with that child? No judgment- we are here to discuss it and get some strategies and scripts to all parents who have ever had some trouble with their young kids.

Many of you who are hungry for parenting and teaching knowledge probably know the blockbuster best-selling book, How to Listen So Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. It’s a staple on my shelf. Well, Adele Faber has a daughter, Joanna Faber who not only grew up being the recipient of all the strategies Faber and Mazlish described in their mega-bestseller, but also wrote a follow up book with her childhood best friend, Julie King that takes a similar structure, using common challenges of young children and provides tool after tool to help anyone with children ages 2-7.

Joanna Faber and Julie King are the authors of How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 (Scribner 2017). The book has been ranked #1 as a best-seller on Amazon, and is being translated into 17 languages world-wide. Joanna and Julie created the soon-to-be-released app Pocket Parent, a companion to their book, as well as the app Parenting Hero. Joanna and Julie lead workshops online and in person, consult privately and give lectures in the U.S. and internationally. Visit them at HowToTalkSoLittleKidsWillListen.com or on Facebook.

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Sports Team Wins 91-0: Is it Bullying?

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When a high school football team won a game 91-0, a parent from the losing team filed a complaint against the coach, claiming it was bullying. Was it? I sat down with the amazing folks at Good Morning America to discuss.

What is bullying? Most of us know that bullying is a conflict that consists of at least two or three participants:

  • The Bully: the person initiating the aggression
  • The Bullied (the Victim): the person on the receiving end of the aggression
  • The Bystander (the Onlooker): the person (usually people) standing by and watching the aggression

Bullying used to be thought of as the physical acts of the biggest school yard boy who pummeled the weak kid on the playground, stuffed him into a locker, forced others to do his school work or stole their lunch money.

Now, bullying is defined as: Harassment, intimidation, or bullying is defined as any gesture, act (written, verbal, or physical), or electronic communication (i.e. through phone, computer, pager), that is perceived to be motivated by any actual or perceived characteristic (i.e. race, color, religion, gender, sexual orientation, disability, distinguishing characteristic), that disrupts or interferes with school (on or off school property) or compromises the rights of other students.

But would we know bullying when we see it? How do we know the difference between bullying and what is considered normal social conflict? Let’s put it plainly.

Here’s how I explain bullying on Good Morning America:

A: AGGRESSIVE: Is it aggressive? Bullying feels like an attack.

B: BALANCE of power: Is the balance of power unequal? Bullying involves uneven power such that age, popularity. size, ability, clout and special needs can play a role.

C: CONSISTENT: Is this happening often or only once? Bullying involves a pattern of consistent incidents.

D: DELIBERATE: Is there an intention to harm, hurt or provoke? Bullying is intentional not accidental.

While social conflict and intense (uneven) sports competition can feel brutal, this, in my opinion is not bullying. The other team was attacking the ball, the plays and the win– but not the other team. There was an imbalance of skill and power, to be sure– but this was one game and nobody was deliberately trying to hurt or harm the other team’s feelings or moral. Nobody says this is easy– but we can’t call it bullying. Doing so plays down what bullying really is– and the kids who truly need the help.

Your thoughts?

How to Raise Humans in a Digital World with Diana Graber

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Special guest: Diana Graber. Snapchat, Instagram, Fortnite, cyberbullying, sexting, and technology addiction are some of the digital concerns that keep today’s parents up at night. Some of the statistics being quoted are scary: Common Sense Media reported that 50 percent of teens feel “addicted” to their phones. The Pew Research Center reported just last year that 59 percent of U.S teens have been bullied or harassed online. Guard Child reported that 39 percent of teens have sent or posted sexually suggestive messages (sexting). Stanford University researchers tell us that a whopping 80 percent of students can’t differentiate between real and “fake” news. And the World Health Organization told us in 2017 that Technology is making children dangerously unhealthy. YIKES. These are not small-scale studies with questionable results. My next guest has been unpacking this research and working to understand how digital innovations have radically altered childhood and left us largely unprepared as parents for how to deal with the influx of technology and the fallout from these devices. She is also capturing the upside of these digital innovations that, yes, if used correctly, can enrich our children’s lives—and regardless, this IS the world we live in- we can not shut our eyes turn off all screens and say “that’s it!” without shutting out the digital world in which we must learn to survive and thrive. So what can we do?

Diana Graber, a digital literacy educator and advocate, was honored with the National Association for Media Literacy Education’s 2017 Media Literacy Teacher Award. She is the cofounder of Cyberwise, a leading online safety and digital literacy organization, and the founder and creator of Cyber Civics, the popular and innovative middle school digital citizenship and literacy program currently being taught in more than 40 US states, the UK, Canada, New Zealand and Africa. Graber lives with her family in Southern California. Diana is also the author of Raising Humans in a Digital World, published in January of this year.

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How to Use Duct Tape Parenting to Raise Respectful, Responsible & Resilient Kids with Vicki Hoefle

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Special guest: Vicki Hoefle.
Ask an audience of parents to shout out the most annoying behaviors their children exhibit that they desperately want to get rid of—there won’t be lack of answers. From fighting and hitting to getting up from the table, getting out of bed, making a mess, whining and talking back—parents have a bunch of challenges they are trying to solve to make their family homes more peaceful, their mornings or evening routines easier and their kids more cooperative or responsible. But what if I told you that the strategies we often employ to deal with these frustrating behaviors was, well, wrong? From nagging to judging, correcting, time-outs, reminding, lecturing and saving—our strategies might just be mere bandaids –or the very things that are making the behaviors worse? And what if there were actually strategies—governed by a key parenting philosophy– that could make it better—and help our kids to become confident, competence, responsible members of society? What in the world could make this magical philosophy work so well? You might be surprised by the answer—it’s Duct tape.

Vicki Hoefle is a popular parent educator, speaker and author of Duct Tape Parenting: A Less Is More Approach to Raising Respectful, Responsible, and Resilient Kids and The Straight Talk on Parenting: A No Nonsense Approach on How to Grow a Grownup. She has Helped thousands of families for over two decades by sharing her parenting tips and techniques across the country. She combines expertise in Adlerian Psychology with a suite of actionable, time-tested tools. A master story teller who is part comedian, part sage, mostly parent, Vicki offers ways to strengthen and enhance the parent-child relationship and bring out the best in each parent, the best in each child, and the best in each encounter. Vicki Hoefle leads parent education programs nationwide. Vicki’s parenting philosophy and approach to raising “thinking” children, does not include “getting children” to comply or using so-called “discipline” strategies (which include nagging, reminding, lecturing, bribing, counting, and time-outing) for dealing with pesky behaviors. Her strategies work for every family—and we couldn’t be more excited to talk about them today.

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How to Talk to Kids about Suicide with Dr. Dan Reidenberg

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Special guest: Dr. Dan Reidenberg.
Nearly 800,000 people die by suicide in the world each year, which is roughly one death every 40 seconds. Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in the world for those aged 15-24 years. Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for 15 to 24-year-old Americans, according to the CDC. These are the statistics—but when it comes to suicide and talking to kids, the statistics don’t give us the words, the feelings, the loss, the answers. In fact, Everytime there is a suicide in our communities, in our schools, in our families, and in the lives of our children- it usually leaves us with more questions than answers. How do we talk to kids about this extremely difficult topic? 

Dr. Dan Reidenberg is the Executive Director of Suicide Awareness Voices of Education, SAVE, Managing Director of the National Council for Suicide Prevention and is on the Executive Board of the International Association for Suicide Prevention.  He is Co-Chair of the International Media and Suicide Task Force—and serves on the numerous national and international advisory boards. He has speaks about suicide and suicide prevention internationally and has written many articles and book chapters about it as well. Dr. Reidenberg has been interviewed by major media sources from around the world including CNN, Larry King, Good Morning America, the New York Times and Washington Post and has helped develop the US National Strategy for Suicide Prevention and the National Research Agenda (US). He has received numerous awards for his work including the Service to Humanity Award, Service to Suicidology Award, and as a Champion of Change by The Obama Administration.

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The Good News about Bad Behavior with Katherine Reynolds Lewis

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Special guest: Katherine Reynolds Lewis.
There is a new and surprising problem that has quietly but perhaps not unnotably come to fruition during more recent years—our children are out of control in comparison to previous generations. It’s not your imagination. A recent study of first-graders found that they could sit still for no more than three minutes—which is actually only a quarter of the time that their peers could in 1948. Government statistics show that half of all children will develop a mood or behavioral disorder or a substance addiction by age 18. What the heck is going on? I receive questions through Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and email all asking about what parents, teachers and coaches can do to get children to behave better. The old methods of rewards and punishments—star charts and time outs are not working. Are your ears perking up? We’ve all seen it and you are not alone.

My next guest has some good news about bad behavior—and some great tips and scripts to help us better understand our children and how to help our children learn to self-regulate.

Katherine Reynolds Lewis is an award-winning journalist and author of The Good News About Bad Behavior: Why Kids Are Less Disciplined Than Ever – And What to Do About It. Her work has appeared in the Atlantic, Fortune, Money, Mother Jones, The New York Times, Parade, Slate, USA Today’s magazine group, the Washington Post Magazine and Working Mother. She’s an EWA Education Reporting Fellow and Logan Nonfiction Fellow at the Carey Institute for Global Good. Residencies include the Virginia Center for the Creative Arts and Ragdale. Previously, Katherine was a national correspondent for Newhouse and Bloomberg News, covering everything from financial and media policy to the White House. She holds a BA in physics from Harvard University and is a certified parent educator with the Parent Encouragement Program (PEP) in Kensington, Md. She and her husband Brian are the proud parents of three children, 25, 14 and 12 years old.

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