Why this Tween Magazine was Under Fire Due to This Swimsuit Article for Girls

discovery-girls-swimsuit-magazine-1-450x261I was recently on the Today Show talking about Discovery Girls and their misstep in publishing an article on swimsuits for specific body types. Some people thought it was a big deal– others did not. What’s your view?

What are the girls experiencing in preteen years that makes this a tough time?

During the preteen years, a girl’s body is changing, her brain is changing and she is moving from the child stage to the teen and young adult stage. It can feel weird and confusing for any girl—so many turn to communities and resources where they feel safe and valued for who they are.

Why is this article a big deal?

This is the time of year when every magazine is focusing on bathing suits and what cuts are best to accentuate their best features and hide features that are less valued in our culture. When preteen magazines jump on the bandwagon, it sends a message to girls that they need to be thinking about how they look—form over function- when it comes to swim suit.

Of course, teen magazines could have a lot of fun with bathing suit styles by flipping the conversation and asking; “What bathing suit style is best for what you LOVE to do” or “What bathing suit patterns reflect your personality?” And going into bold or subtle prints, loud and soft colors and other fun fashion topics like that.

Why was that one sentence in the apology about the magazine attempting to simply “build confidence in girls” a big deal?

Many parents don’t want their girls to get the message that what you wear and how you look affects whether you feel confident. We all make mistakes, absolutely, and I think parents just wanted to hear that a mistake was made, they take full responsibility and it will never happen again.

How do you build a girl’s confidence?

A girl can build confidence by (1) gaining mastery in something she cares about and (2) feeling connected, safe and valued by people she cares about in and outside of her home. When a girl believes in herself, pushes through barriers, succeeds after failing and feels she has key people to rely on in her life, she gains confidence. Confidence is built from the inside out, not the other way around.

Kinds of message this article can inadvertently send:

This kind of an article can send a negative message to a girl who is using the magazine as a safe place to learn how to be a healthy preteen. When we talk about the need to hide areas of our bodies to look good in a swimsuit, we are saying that there are parts of every girl’s body that may need to be covered because it’s not acceptable.

Let’s be blunt. Raising a girl in today’s appearance-oriented world can be a challenge. When articles seem to reflect rather than deflect the media messages plaguing our girls that state “your value comes from how you look or you need to change the way you look to fit what others think is valuable,” parents get very upset. This is especially true when they trust the resource and feel that the focus took an unexpected turn.

What did you think of the article?

Dr. Robyn Signature

 

 

 

 

 

Fourteen Signs that Your Daughter May Have an Eating Disorder

scale_weightHow do you know if your child may have an eating disorder? Here are some signs that may indicate a problem.
  1. Erratic food habits: Eating large amounts of food and then disappearing from the table.
  2. Playing with food.
  3. Restricting food intake.
  4. Major changes in weight in a short amount of time: Considering teen bodies are changing and getting heavier, dramatic weight loss for age and height can be a warning sign.
  5. Hiding her body even after weight loss: May be an indication that your daughter believes her body is very large even when it is not.
  6. Hiding food: Finding large amounts of food stashed in her bedroom, hidden under her bed or in closet, disappearance of food from the refrigerator or pantry.
  7. Refusal to eat when others are present: You’ll hear things like “I’ve already eaten” or “I have a stomachache” simply to avoid eating.
  8. Compulsive exercising: Exercising to take off as many calories that were consumed. Exercising several times daily or exercising until she can’t exercise anymore. Hyper-focus on how many calories burned, weight, inches, etc.
  9. Skipping meals consistently.
  10. Measuring self-worth based on weight: Calling oneself “good” for not eating and “bad” for giving in to eating. Bashing self for eating more than the allotted calories.
  11. Complaining about being overweight and fat when they are clearly underweight.
  12. Missing several periods in a row. Periods can stop when girls lose too much weight.
  13. Overall poor body image: Poor attitude when it comes to weight and appearance.
  14. Spending a lot of time in the bathroom: Could be sign of purging or laxative use.

*If you feel that your child may have an eating disorder, contact your child’s doctor to discuss your concerns and a possible plan of action.

GGDGF Cover (hi res)From: Good Girls Don’t Get Fat: How weight Obsession is Messing Up Our Girls & How We Can Help Them Thrive Despite It

By: Robyn J.A. Silverman, PhD

Harlequin, 2010

Latest Interview: Dax Shepard Opens Up about Child Sexual Abuse

gma_camera-450x338Two weeks ago, Dax Shepard opened up about being sexually abused as a child. Good Morning America came to my home to interview me for their story on the topic. The story didn’t air but I wanted to give all of you some of the questions they asked me (and my answers) as people have asked me about the segment.

Can sexual abuse lead to problems later on in life?

Childhood abuse has been linked with many psychiatric and behavioral problems as teens and adults including anxiety, depression, alcohol and drug use and unsafe sex. Dax Shepard has admitted to drug use and alcohol abuse and this may be linked, in part to his earlier experiences.

Is it the same for men as it is for women?

While much of the research has focused on women who were sexually abused as girls, when both genders are considered in clinical studies, it’s found that both men and women suffer with similar mental and emotional problems.

Why do some sexual abuse survivors not tell?

Dax Shepard is only coming out with this private information now. Some people might wonder, why all the secrecy? Why don’t people tell when they’ve been sexually abused? Many children and teens feel shame, they fear retaliation (perhaps threatened), they may blame themselves or minimize what happened, they may doubt what really happened and may be afraid people won’t believe them anyway even if they did tell.

How can Dax’s admission help parents talk about sexual abuse with children?

daxshepard-450x246Whenever a celebrity brings an issue to light with a personal account, it’s a great time for parents to use the admission as a springboard for some tough talks with their children. In age-appropriate terms, talk about good touching and bad touching, what they should do if anyone touches them in an inappropriate way, and that your door is always open to talking about these tough topics.

As always, any tough conversation you have with your child does not need to fit into a certain time, place, space or age. These types of conversations happen many times over years. What you might say to a younger child about their body, their privacy and who is permitted to see them undressed in certain circumstances (i.e. parent, doctor) is different than what you might say to a teenager. While these conversations can be uncomfortable, they are necessary. As I tell parents when I am presenting; “You can say it outright: This is uncomfortable! This is awkward! But do it anyway.”

And don’t worry if you missed an opportunity or when you last talked about it, it didn’t go so well. Parenting provides the ultimate do-over. Each day you get to try again. Thank goodness.

Dr. Robyn Signature