In this episode, Dr. Robyn Silverman talks with bestselling author and Danish education expert Jessica Joelle Alexander about what we can learn from one of the happiest countries in the world about raising children. Together they explore the values at the heart of Danish education — play, trust, empathy, courage, authenticity, and togetherness — and how parents and educators can bring those values into their own homes and classrooms. They discuss the happiness number, the Danish approach to difficult topics like sex and death, how a single saying about touch transformed how a school handled bullying, and why helping children thrive emotionally is not separate from helping them learn.
Introduction:
We have all felt it — the pressure on children to achieve earlier, perform better, and keep up in a system that prizes grades, scores, and competition above almost everything else. Children are learning that they must strive for top marks to get into the right schools, the right colleges, the right careers. Meanwhile, they are becoming more anxious, more depressed, and less connected to themselves and to one another. But what if education could look different? What if school was designed not just to produce high achievers, but happy, confident, empathetic, independent children who could think critically and ask honest questions about themselves and the world around them? Today, we are talking with Jessica Joelle Alexander about The Danish Way of Education and what all of us can learn from an approach that puts human beings before performance.
Short Bio:
Jessica Joelle Alexander is a bestselling author, Danish parenting and education expert, cultural researcher, and co-founder of Raising Digital Citizens. Her book The Danish Way of Parenting, co-authored with Iben Sandahl, is one of the most widely sold parenting books in the world, published in over 35 countries. She has been a spokesperson for LEGO, writes and researches for UC Berkeley’s Towards Belonging Center, and teaches at the University of Copenhagen. Her work has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, BBC World News, CBS News, Time, and many more. She speaks four languages and lives in Copenhagen with her husband and two children. Her latest book is The Danish Way of Education: Life Lessons from the Happiest People in the World.
Important Messages:
Danish Education Values the Whole Child, Not Just the Academic One — Jessica Joelle Alexander
Where many education systems prioritize grades, rankings, and test performance, Danish schools are built around trust, empathy, play, authenticity, courage, and togetherness. These are not extras added on top of learning — they are the foundation of it. Danish children consistently rank among the happiest in the world, and that happiness is not accidental. It is cultivated deliberately, starting very young.
Those One Touches, One Doesn’t Bully — Jessica Joelle Alexander
This Danish saying — roughly translated as “those one touches, one doesn’t bully” — captures something profound about how connection prevents harm. When children are taught to make physical and emotional contact with their peers — to notice them, engage with them, sit next to them — they become less likely to treat those peers as objects of ridicule or exclusion. Touch and presence create empathy. Empathy prevents bullying.
Tough Topics Deserve Space, Not Avoidance — Dr. Robyn Silverman
Death, sex, loneliness, conflict — these are topics many adults avoid because they feel uncomfortable or worry about upsetting children. But the research is clear: children who are given honest, age-appropriate conversations about hard topics are better prepared, less anxious, and more likely to come to trusted adults when they need help. The discomfort belongs to the adult. The child is ready.
The Happiness Number: A Simple Tool That Opens Everything Up — Jessica Joelle Alexander
Danish students are regularly asked to rate their happiness on a simple number scale. When a child gives themselves a low number, that becomes an invitation — not an alarm, and not something to push past. The class and teacher pause, get curious, and work together to understand what is going on and what might help. It normalizes emotional honesty and teaches children that their inner life is worth naming and worth responding to.
Denmark Talks to Children About Sex — Honestly and Without Shame — Jessica Joelle Alexander
In Denmark, children’s books about sex are matter-of-fact, age-appropriate, and treated as normal reading. Sex education is woven throughout schooling from early ages, and by the time Danish children reach what is known as “Sex Week,” they have already had years of open, non-shaming conversations about bodies, reproduction, consent, and relationships. The result is less confusion, less shame, and better-equipped young people.
Screens Are Not the Enemy — But Presence Is the Priority — Jessica Joelle Alexander
When children come home and disappear into screens, what they are often missing is not a rule about tech — it is the pull of something better. Danish children spend more time in unstructured outdoor play, in face-to-face connection, and in activities that build genuine competence and curiosity. The antidote to screen dependency is not just restriction. It is offering children a richer, more engaging alternative.
The Danish Way Produces Empathetic Leaders — Jessica Joelle Alexander
When children grow up in a culture that values listening, collaboration, authenticity, and emotional honesty, they become adults who lead in those same ways. Danish leadership tends to be less hierarchical and more relational. The skills built in Danish classrooms — empathy, courage, togetherness — are exactly the skills the next generation of leaders will need most.
Notable Quotables:
“What if school was designed not just to produce high achievers, but happy, confident, empathetic, independent children who could think critically and ask questions about themselves and the world?”
— Dr. Robyn Silverman
“Denmark has been one of the happiest countries in the world for over 50 years in a row. And it is quite simply in their upbringing. Happy children grow up to be happy adults who raise happy children, and the cycle repeats.”
— Jessica Joelle Alexander
“Death, sex, loneliness, conflict — the discomfort belongs to the adult. The child is almost always ready. It is us who need to get ready first.”
— Dr. Robyn Silverman
“Those one touches, one doesn’t bully. When you truly make contact with someone — see them, engage with them, sit next to them — it becomes very hard to treat them as anything less than human.”
— Jessica Joelle Alexander
“Danish children rate their happiness regularly, and when a child gives themselves a low number, the class stops. It becomes a conversation. What is going on? What can we do? That is a very different response than ‘push through it.’”
— Jessica Joelle Alexander
“In Denmark, a book about sex can be a child’s favorite book. Not because it is provocative — because it is honest, clear, and treats children as capable of understanding their own bodies and lives.”
— Jessica Joelle Alexander
“Empathy is not a soft skill in Denmark. It is a learning skill. A child who feels seen and safe takes more risks, asks harder questions, and grows faster than one who is only chasing a grade.”
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What Are These Cards?
KIDVERSATION CARDS These aren’t ordinary cards. Created by Child Development Specialist and “Conversation Doc” Dr. Robyn Silverman, Kidversation Cards make meaningful conversation simple. Each one taps into the 6 Cs—Confidence, Competence, Contribution, Caring, Character, and Connection—a proven framework for helping kids thrive. Fun for kids and easy for parents, they spark quick talks that build lasting skills and memories.
