How to Talk to Kids about the Strengths in Kids with ADHD with Penn and Kim Holderness

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Mini Synopsis:

So many parents of kids with ADHD are told about the challenges — the focus issues, the impulsivity, the constant movement — but not enough about the strengths. In this heartfelt and humorous conversation, Dr. Robyn talks with Penn and Kim Holderness — authors of ADHD is Awesome — about what it really means to raise and live with ADHD in the family. Together, they explore how to shift from frustration to celebration, reframe what ADHD really is, and see the creativity, energy, and brilliance behind it. This episode reminds every parent that ADHD isn’t a flaw to fix — it’s a different kind of wiring that can lead to incredible things when understood and embraced.

INTRODUCTION:

ADHD is often talked about in terms of challenges—focus, attention, or impulsivity—but what if we shifted the story? What if we looked at ADHD not as a deficit, but as a different kind of brilliance? As a parent of kids with this different kind of brilliance—I definitely have a personal interest in today’s interview. Today we’re exploring how parents and kids can better understand the strengths that come with neurodivergent minds—creativity, energy, spontaneity, and heart—and how we can help children with ADHD see themselves not as limited, but as limitless.

Bio:

Penn and Kim Holderness are New York Times bestselling authors, award-winning podcasters, social media creators, and winners of The Amazing Race. Known for their humor, authenticity, and family-centered content, they’ve built a global community of over nine million followers and billions of views. Their newest picture book, All You Can Be with ADHD, empowers young readers to see ADHD as an asset, not a deficit—celebrating creativity, resilience, and the endless possibilities that come with thinking differently.

Important Messages:

ADHD Is Not a Defect — It’s a Different Operating System – Penn Holderness
“When I was growing up, ADHD was treated like something that needed to be fixed. People said, ‘If you could just focus more… if you could just stop fidgeting…’ But the truth is, this is just how my brain works. It’s not broken — it’s just running a different operating system. Once I stopped fighting it and started learning how to work with it, everything changed.”
When You Understand ADHD, You Unlock Compassion – Kim Holderness
“I think so many of the hard moments come from misunderstanding. When your kid forgets their homework or can’t stay seated, it’s easy to think they’re being disrespectful or lazy. But when you realize it’s neurological, not behavioral — you soften. You start to see their effort instead of just their mistakes. Compassion grows when you start looking through the lens of understanding.”
ADHD Comes with Strengths — Not Just Struggles – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“I love that you focus on the strengths that come with ADHD. These kids are often creative, quick thinkers, hilarious, empathetic, and full of energy. They see connections that others don’t see. It’s important for parents to remember that ADHD isn’t just about challenges — it’s also about potential. It’s about helping kids find ways to use those strengths in positive, meaningful ways.”
Humor Can Be a Bridge, Not a Defense – Penn Holderness
“I use humor a lot, but it’s not just about making light of things — it’s about connecting. Laughter helps people drop their guard. When you can laugh about something like ADHD, it makes it less scary. Humor doesn’t mean we’re not taking it seriously — it means we’re finding a way to talk about it without shame.”
ADHD in Families: It’s a Team Sport – Kim Holderness
“When one person in a family has ADHD, the whole family experiences it in some way. You learn to adjust routines, communication, even expectations. We realized early on that it’s not just about helping Penn or our kids — it’s about learning together. It’s a team effort where we all need patience, humor, and a lot of grace.”
You Can’t Discipline ADHD Out of a Child – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“One of the biggest mistakes we make as parents is thinking that if we just give enough consequences, the ADHD behaviors will stop. But you can’t discipline a brain into focusing differently. What helps instead is teaching strategies, using tools, and building structure — not shame. Our goal isn’t to fix the child, it’s to equip them.”
Movement Helps Focus, Not Hurts It – Penn Holderness
“When people with ADHD move, it’s not because they’re trying to distract others — it’s because that movement actually helps them focus. My best ideas come when I’m walking, pacing, or fidgeting. I used to be told to sit still, but now I realize my brain works best when my body’s in motion. We need to stop punishing kids for moving and start recognizing it as part of how they think.”
Kids with ADHD Need Wins to Build Confidence – Kim Holderness
“When you’re constantly hearing about what you’re doing wrong — ‘You forgot this, you didn’t finish that, you’re too loud’ — it wears you down. So, we started celebrating small wins. Even something like, ‘Hey, you remembered your water bottle today!’ can make a big difference. These kids need to see that effort counts. Confidence doesn’t come from perfection — it comes from progress that’s noticed.”
Self-Awareness Changes Everything – Penn Holderness
“When I finally got my ADHD diagnosis, it was like someone turned on the lights in the room. Suddenly, all these things that used to frustrate me made sense. I realized that my brain wasn’t against me — I just needed to learn how to work with it. That self-awareness changed my relationships, my productivity, even my sense of humor about myself. It gave me the power to take ownership.”
ADHD Can Strengthen a Marriage — If You Communicate – Kim Holderness
“When you live with someone who has ADHD, there are definitely challenges — distractions, impulsivity, unfinished projects. But if you can communicate openly, it can also deepen your relationship. You learn to laugh, to plan around each other’s strengths, and to appreciate what makes you different. We realized that once we stopped trying to ‘fix’ each other, we started to really understand each other.”
Reframing ADHD Helps Kids Feel Seen – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“When parents change the story they tell about ADHD — from ‘something’s wrong’ to ‘your brain works differently and that’s okay’ — kids start to see themselves differently too. They feel capable instead of broken. It’s one of the most empowering things a parent can do — give their child a narrative of strength and self-acceptance. When kids feel seen, they can finally start thriving.”
ADHD and Creativity Go Hand in Hand – Penn Holderness
“My ADHD brain is like a ping-pong table — ideas bouncing everywhere. That used to feel overwhelming, but now I see it as creativity. It’s why I love writing songs and making videos. The connections my brain makes might look random, but they often turn into something meaningful. When we stop trying to suppress creativity and start channeling it, that’s when the magic happens.”
Structure Doesn’t Mean Rigidity – Kim Holderness
“People think structure means being strict or controlling, but for ADHD, structure is actually freedom. It’s what keeps everything from spinning out of control. We’ve learned to build routines that give predictability but also room for flexibility. It’s like giving your brain a roadmap — you still get to choose the route, but you won’t get lost along the way.”
ADHD Is a Family Story, Not Just an Individual One – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“When a child is diagnosed, the whole family has to learn a new language — one of patience, understanding, and teamwork. ADHD affects schedules, emotions, and even how we connect with one another. But it can also bring families closer when they learn to embrace it together. The diagnosis doesn’t define the family — how they respond to it does.”
Mistakes Don’t Mean Failure — They Mean Learning – Penn Holderness
“For people with ADHD, mistakes happen a lot — we forget things, we misplace things, we say stuff we didn’t mean to say. For a long time, I thought that meant I was failing. But the truth is, mistakes are just part of how we learn. Once I stopped beating myself up for them and started asking, ‘What can I do differently next time?’ everything felt lighter. The goal isn’t perfection — it’s progress.”
16. Parents Can Be the Calm When Kids Can’t Find It – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“When kids with ADHD spiral, they need us to be their anchor. They borrow our calm before they can create their own. If we meet their chaos with more chaos, we lose the chance to help them regulate. But if we breathe, pause, and respond instead of react, we’re teaching emotional stability. Our calm presence becomes their roadmap back to balance.”
Celebrate What Makes Your Child Unique – Kim Holderness
“It’s easy to get caught up in what you wish your child could do better. But the real magic happens when you start celebrating what makes them different. Maybe your kid can’t sit still in class, but they can tell the funniest stories or come up with ten creative ideas in a minute. Those things matter. ADHD brains bring color and creativity to the world — and that deserves to be celebrated.”
Communication Creates Connection — and Safety – Kim Holderness
“We talk about everything in our family — even the awkward stuff — because communication keeps us close. When our kids know they can come to us without judgment, they don’t have to hide who they are. That kind of safety builds confidence. It says, ‘You don’t have to be perfect to belong here.’ And that’s the kind of message every child needs to hear.”
ADHD Doesn’t Limit Potential — It Expands It – Penn Holderness
“People with ADHD have this ability to hyperfocus on what they love. When that energy is channeled into something meaningful, it’s unstoppable. ADHD doesn’t mean you can’t succeed — it just means you might take a different path to get there. Once you learn to work with your brain instead of against it, the possibilities are endless.”
The Goal Is Understanding, Not Fixing – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“We have to let go of the idea that our kids need to be ‘fixed.’ They need to be understood, supported, and celebrated. The moment we shift from ‘What’s wrong with you?’ to ‘What do you need right now?’ everything changes. Understanding creates connection — and that’s what allows kids with ADHD to feel safe enough to thrive.”

Notable Quotables:

“ADHD isn’t a flaw to fix — it’s a different way of thinking, creating, and seeing the world.” – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“My brain isn’t broken; it just runs a different operating system.” – Penn Holderness
“You can’t discipline ADHD out of a child — you can only support and guide them through it.” – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“When you understand ADHD, you unlock compassion — for your kids and for yourself.” – Kim Holderness
“Movement doesn’t distract kids with ADHD — it helps them focus.” – Penn Holderness
“Structure isn’t control. It’s freedom for a brain that needs direction.” – Kim Holderness
“When parents change the story from ‘something’s wrong’ to ‘you’re wired differently,’ kids finally start to believe they’re capable.” – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“Humor is how we connect, not how we hide. Laughter takes away the shame.” – Penn Holderness
“Confidence doesn’t come from getting everything right — it comes from effort being seen and celebrated.” – Kim Holderness
“Our calm becomes their calm. When we slow down, we help them find their way back to balance.” – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“ADHD doesn’t limit potential — it just means the path might look a little different.” – Penn Holderness
“You don’t build confidence by fixing mistakes; you build it by celebrating effort.” – Kim Holderness
“Families don’t just live with ADHD — they grow through it together.” – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“When you stop trying to fix your partner or your child, you finally make space to understand them.” – Kim Holderness
“Mistakes aren’t failures; they’re feedback. They show us where to grow next.” – Penn Holderness
“Every child needs to hear: You don’t have to be perfect to belong here.” – Kim Holderness
“ADHD and creativity are two sides of the same coin — the same brain that struggles to focus can also imagine endlessly.” – Penn Holderness
“Compassion starts where judgment ends.” – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“The goal isn’t to fix the ADHD — it’s to help your child feel seen, capable, and safe.” – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“ADHD isn’t the end of the story; it’s just a different kind of beginning.” – Penn Holderness