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How to Talk to Kids about Succeeding in Sports and in Life
This podcast will focus on talking to kids about what really helps a person to succeed in sports and in life- learning from failure, handling pressure, building confidence, being accountable and strengthening their mental and physical skills. Dr. Robyn Silverman talks with sports icon, Christie Pearce Rampone and sports psychologist, Dr. Kristine Keane about how to help kids succeed in sports and in life.
Guest Experts: Christie Pearce Rampone & Dr. Kristine Keane
Sports and competitive activities can offer an active path for children to get healthy, become 
self-confident, and strengthen their social skills. How can we help kids to handle the pressures felt by many youth athletes? How can parents and coaches provide kids with their best shot at reaching their dreams without somehow losing themselves? Today we have an opportunity to discuss how to create realistic expectations for kids, help them succeed- not just in sports- but in all aspects of their life, improve game-day performance, and reduce the stress of dealing with their coaches, ambitions, and losses. And what better but to get the perspective from a sports icon and a neuropsychiatrist who works with professional athletes to help us know how to raise kids for success in sports and in life?
Christie Pearce Rampone is the most decorated American professional soccer player of all time. She has played in five FIFA Women’s World Cups, winning in 1999 and 2015. In addition, she is a four-time Olympian and a three-time Olympic gold medalist. Currently, Pearce Rampone is an active speaker, coach, and sports commentator. She is a sports mom of two girls, and has coached professional, high school and club soccer teams, as well as youth basketball teams.
Kristine Keane, Psy.D. is a neuropsychologist who has been working with professional athletes, physicians, and mental health clinicians for the past twenty years. Dr. Keane is the owner, developer, and clinical director of two multi-specialty neuropsychological private practices and a Clinical Director of the Neuroscience Concussion Program at Hackensack Meridian Health. She is also the sports mom of two boys and a girl, who play soccer, basketball, and run track.
Important Messages:
- It’s important to alleviate the pressures on the kids by educating the parents.
- Be mindful
- The true role models for the child is not the professional athletes but the parents. Your
children are watching you- how you act make a difference. How you act impacts. How does your relationship and your child’s relationship with sports- how do these compare? - You are dividing the child’s attention span, by yelling the more trouble they have performing. Kids perform based on the emotional part of the brain rather than prefrontal cortex. You are affecting your child’s brain.
- Look for your role in the situation so they can find a solution- instead of making excuses. Start young- create healthy habits. Take responsibility when you make a mistake. It’s a learning curve. Keep kids accountable. Do this as a team. Hold people accountable when they don’t do what they are supposed to do.
- “I didn’t realize your mother or father were on this team.” Remember- your child is the athlete- not the parent. They need to be prepared for the sport.
- Self talk- get uncomfortable with the uncomfortable. Thoughts can change your brain. What’s realistic? Don’t mask negative with positivity. Rather, how can they learn from what went wrong?
- Maybe you can’t control the thought that pops up but you can control what happens next so you don’t have to keep having that thought.
- Don’t gloss over realistic- don’t mask with positivity.
- Talk about anxiety being normal or real.
- Exchange! Instead of anxiety-> excitement. “I’m excited.” Body reacts the same way when you are getting on a roller coaster- and that’s fun! Nervousnesses-> enthusiasm. Passion.
- Script change: “This is going to give me new learning opportunities. Every time I play a tough game/tough competitor, I learn something new.”
- Afraid of mistakes: “Mistakes are part of the game.”
- “I’m happy you’re nervous, it means you care! It means this is important to you.”
- Car: Consider- no game discussion in car ride home as emotions run high right after a game/competition- fight or flight mode. They need time to “heal from the field.” Restore. Sometimes 24-hour rule. Some are excited about the game. Space when get in car. You’ll get a lot more out of a conversation if you give time and space.
- See child is emotional- listen. Let them emote. You don’t need to correct or assess. They aren’t looking for your advice but rather your validation. The car is the space. Transition space.
- Get away from blaming. Emotions can interfere with relationships.
- Humanize those who made a mistake.
- “You’re the only one who can take away your own confidence. You have to adjust to your inner voice and realize that it’s okay that your inner voice may be negative at times and your confidence may be hit but you make the final choice in how you want to react to those negative inner voices.”
- “No two players play the game alike, see the game alike, have the same athletic abilities. You want to grow internally. Don’t compare. Be okay with who you are.”
- Comparing yourself diminishes your ability. It’s a distraction to who you are. Embrace who you are, your strengths and weaknesses, that’s when you become your best.
- How does the parent deal with the lack of playing time? The coach might have a strategy that you are not aware of!
- Your inner dialogue is formed by the biggest stakeholders in your life- your parents. What are you saying during the game? Are you critiquing?
- Lots of ways to succeed in sports beyond winning.
- How are you treating others? How are you communicating with others? This affects playing time.
- Winning is a biproduct of development.
- When to approach coach- if child is emotionally unstable- and they are being put in an environment where they can’t succeed.
- Trust the process! Enjoy the journey. Everyone’s path to success looks very different.
- Lay out your family’s goals and values so you can keep them in mind and keep the sports in perspective. Lots of family resources, energy, time- is this your original intention? Take a step back. Write a family mission statement. What’s important to us? It’s easy to get swept up.
Notable Quotables:
- “Being all in means being fully present in the moment.” CPR
- “We get so focused on winning, trophies and championships and scholarships, but being all in means being present in all spheres of your life. It’s not just technical. We want to talk about development- and how the sport affects your family and friends and psycho-social development. It’s about bringing all spheres of your life together to the game.” KK
- “The true role models for the child are not the professional athletes but the parents.” CPR
- “The child is the one who is committing to the sport so they have to be the ones who prepare themselves for the sport.” CPR
- “You don’t just want your identity to be who you are on the soccer field, on the mat, or in the court. You want to have that identity outside too. Those great habits and those good routines maintain who you are in many parts of your life.” CPR
- “You may not be able to control a negative thought that pops into your head but you can control what happens next so you don’t have to keep having that thought. You can replace that thought or you can change your story.” KK
- “Sports are made up of mistakes.” ~Be All In
- “Consider no game discussion in car ride home as emotions run high right after a game or competition. Athletes are in fight or flight mode after a win or a loss. They need time to “heal from the field.” KK
- “You’re the only one who can take away your own confidence. You have to adjust to your inner voice and realize that it’s okay that your inner voice may be negative at times and your confidence may be hit but you make the final choice in how you want to react to those negative inner voices.” CPR
- “No two players play the game alike, see the game alike, have the same athletic abilities. You want to grow internally. Don’t compare. Be okay with who you are.” CPR
- “There are lots of ways to succeed in sports beyond winning.”
- “Winning is a biproduct of development.”
- The number one thing that helps kids to succeed in sports is: being their true authentic self.
- Attitude is everything.
- “You are good enough.”
- “Trust the process! Enjoy the journey. Everyone’s path to success looks very different.”
