How to Talk to Kids About Impostor Syndrome with Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin

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Mini Synopsis:

In this enlightening episode, Dr. Robyn Silverman is joined by Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin, psychologist and co-author of Own Your Greatness, to talk about the pervasive issue of impostor syndrome. Together, they explore how these fraudulent feelings take root in both adults and children, the parenting styles that may unknowingly contribute, and the tools we can use to help children own their accomplishments.

INTRODUCTION:

Imposter Syndrome. That inner critic that lies to us even as the evidence of credentials, experience, expertise is noted and obvious. Imposter Syndrome whispers- “I’m not good enough.” “I’m not smart enough.” “I don’t know what I’m doing—and people are going to find out, expose me, and push me right out of here.” This can fuel working harder and spinning in circles looking for external validation that can temporarily squelch the fear around who we are, what we want and the journey we are on. Perhaps you recognize this in yourself—perhaps you recognize this in your children. Today, we are going to get into it with our guest, Dr. Richard Orbe-Austin.

Bio:

Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin is a licensed psychologist, executive coach, and consultant. He was the founding director of NYU’s Graduate Student Career Development Center and now works with executives and mid-career professionals to overcome impostor syndrome, identify their best-fit career options, and strengthen their leadership skills. Dr. Orbé-Austin’s opinions and writings have appeared in Forbes, Fast Company, ThriveGlobal and more. He is also a TEDx speaker.

Together, Dr. Lisa and Dr. Richard Orbe-Austin wrote the recently released book, Your Child’s Greatness: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Children without Imposter Syndrome.

Important Messages:

Understanding Impostor Syndrome (Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin): “Impostor syndrome is the experience of feeling like a fraud, even in the face of evident success. People with impostor syndrome attribute their accomplishments to luck, timing, or external validation rather than their own talent and effort. It becomes a cycle of self-doubt, where no matter how much they achieve, they feel like they’re deceiving others. This can cause intense anxiety and a fear of being ‘found out.’”
Impostor Syndrome in Kids (Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin): “We are seeing impostor syndrome show up earlier and earlier in children. Kids may start to question their own intelligence and talents because they feel they must constantly meet unrealistic expectations. Even when praised, they might say, ‘I just got lucky’ or ‘Anyone could have done that.’ This mindset can begin to chip away at their confidence and mental health.”
The Role of Perfectionism (Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin): “Children raised in perfectionistic environments often internalize the idea that anything less than ‘perfect’ is failure. This can lead them to believe that success must always look effortless, and when it doesn’t, they feel defective. The result is often self-sabotage or chronic fear of disappointing others.”
The Parent’s Inner Critic (Dr. Robyn Silverman): “Parents may unknowingly pass on their own inner critic to their children. When we deflect praise, undermine our own work, or express constant dissatisfaction with ourselves, kids absorb that. They start to mimic those behaviors and believe they should also be humble to the point of self-erasure.”
Cultural Factors (Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin): “For many people of color, impostor syndrome is deeply tied to systemic issues and representation. When you’re the only one in the room who looks like you, it can reinforce a feeling that you don’t belong. This is not just a personal challenge, but also a societal one.”
How Praise Can Misfire (Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin): “When we only praise outcomes and not effort, children begin to tie their worth to achievement. If they fall short, they may assume it’s a reflection of their value as a person. Instead, we want to focus on the process, the resilience, and the growth.”
Overprotective Parenting (Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin): “Parents who overly intervene in their children’s struggles might unintentionally communicate that they don’t believe their child can handle difficulty. While the intention is love and support, the message becomes: ‘I don’t trust you to do this on your own.’ That seeds self-doubt.”
The Importance of Modeling (Dr. Robyn Silverman): “Children don’t just learn from what we say—they learn from what we do. If they see us setting boundaries, owning our mistakes, and speaking kindly to ourselves, they’re more likely to internalize those messages as well.”
The ‘Confidence Playlist’ (Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin): “We ask clients to create what we call a ‘confidence playlist’—a collection of moments, feedback, or experiences that validate their worth and competence. This becomes a go-to tool when the impostor voice gets loud. Kids can do this too, with help from parents and teachers.”
Narrative Work in Families (Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin): “Helping kids reframe their inner dialogue can be a game-changer. Instead of accepting the thought ‘I don’t belong,’ we encourage asking, ‘What’s the evidence for that? What’s another explanation?’ Teaching this kind of reflective thinking at home can build long-term emotional strength.”
The Role of Vulnerability (Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin): “Parents who are willing to share their own struggles with impostor feelings can create an opening for deep trust. Vulnerability shows kids that they’re not alone in their experiences, and that these feelings are normal and manageable.”
Gendered Expectations (Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin): “Impostor syndrome may look different depending on gender. Girls, for example, may be socialized to prioritize being liked or pleasing others, while boys might be told to suppress doubts and ‘tough it out.’ These dynamics require different conversations and support strategies.”
When Kids Say ‘I Got Lucky’ (Dr. Robyn Silverman): “That’s a red flag we need to pay attention to. When kids attribute success to luck, it’s a sign they might not fully own their competence. That’s our cue to ask questions like, ‘What did you do to prepare?’ or ‘How did you make that opportunity work for you?’”
Undoing Generational Patterns (Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin): “Many of us grew up with messages that we had to constantly prove our worth. Shifting that narrative requires conscious effort, especially if we want to raise kids who feel secure in their identity and gifts.”
Impostor Syndrome Doesn’t Discriminate (Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin): “It affects high achievers, underrepresented folks, perfectionists, and people across industries and roles. This isn’t just a ‘high school thing’ or a ‘new grad thing.’ It can follow us into adulthood if left unaddressed.”
Resilience is Built in Practice (Dr. Robyn Silverman): “Confidence isn’t something kids either have or don’t have—it’s something they build over time through experiences, reflection, and support. Every challenge is an opportunity to reinforce that growth.”
What Belonging Really Means (Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin): “True belonging isn’t about changing who you are to fit in—it’s about finding spaces where you’re accepted as you are. We can help our kids understand that, and encourage them to create those spaces for others too.”

Notable Quotables:

“Impostor syndrome doesn’t go away with more accomplishments—it fades when we start telling ourselves the truth about who we are.” – Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin
“Our children’s inner voice is often shaped by the way we speak about ourselves.” – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“Confidence is not arrogance. It’s clarity.” – Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin
“Kids learn to take up space when we model how to take up space without apology.” – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“The inner critic is loud—but it’s not the only voice. We can teach kids to turn up the volume on self-compassion.” – Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin
“Vulnerability is not a flaw in parenting—it’s a feature. It invites connection.” – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“You don’t have to feel ready to be ready. Sometimes you grow into readiness by saying yes.” – Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin
“When a child says ‘I’m not good enough,’ our job isn’t to fix—it’s to listen, empathize, and reflect their strengths back to them.” – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“Belonging doesn’t mean everyone likes you—it means you like who you are when you’re with them.” – Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin
“Perfection is the enemy of progress—and kids need to hear that often.” – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“Representation matters. Seeing someone who looks like you succeed helps you believe you can too.” – Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin
“Our kids are watching how we recover from mistakes more than how we avoid them.” – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“Impostor syndrome thrives in silence. Naming it is the first step in disarming it.” – Dr. Richard Orbé-Austin
“Even when we don’t feel confident, we can still act in alignment with our values—and that builds integrity.” – Dr. Robyn Silverman