How to Talk to Kids about Finding Their Inner Hero in 2025 with Carrie Goldman
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Mini Synopsis:
Building Resilient Kids: Dr. Robyn Silverman & Carrie Goldman discuss innovative strategies for fostering emotional intelligence, self-awareness and inner strength through storytelling and pop culture.
INTRODUCTION:
Every child deserves to be healthy mentally, emotionally and physically. Childhood should be about learning in school, finding fast friends, and discovering the best version of yourself—all while focused on fun. After all, you’re a kid! But research shows kids are often focused on more urgent issues: depression, anxiety, fear, shame, loneliness, self-doubt, anger, addiction, and suicidal ideation. How can we talk to kids about many of the issues they face while instilling them with the skills they need to navigate life? How can we help them to become heroes for themselves and for others? For this, we turn to friend of the show, Carrie Goldman, who has been on our show before.
Bio:
Carrie Goldman is the author of Bullied: What Every Parent, Teacher, and Kid Needs to Know About Ending the Cycle of Fear, winner of several awards, a writer for all kinds of publications such as The NY Times, Washington Post, and has appeared on NPR, MSNBC, CNN, The NY Times, ABC Radio, and others. She gives keynote addresses to companies, universities, and schools about bullying prevention, intervention, and reconciliation; digital citizenship; the academic effects of gender inequality; restorative justice and resolving social conflict. She is a founding partner & curriculum director for an exciting venture called the Heroic Journey Curriculum- an engaging evidence-based behavioral health program created by psychologists and award-winning educators to help kids develop their strengths and explore topics that they grapple with each day.
Important Messages:
Using Pop Culture as Emotional Proxies (Carrie Goldman): We found that kids are often reluctant to talk about their own vulnerabilities. But they open up through proxies, like their favorite characters—Harry Potter, Hulk, or Elsa. Discussing a character’s struggles allows them to explore their feelings and consider strategies for coping. For example, a child who struggles with anger might avoid talking about their own triggers but could talk about the Hulk’s transformation. By discussing these characters, we create a backdoor into emotional conversations that feel less threatening and more engaging.
The Thoughts-Feelings-Behaviors Cycle Explained (Carrie Goldman): Elsa’s story perfectly illustrates the thoughts-feelings-behaviors cycle. After accidentally hurting her sister, Elsa’s automatic thoughts—‘I’m dangerous, I’ll hurt people’—lead to feelings of fear and anxiety, which drive her behavior of isolation. This cycle can happen to any child. By helping them recognize these patterns, we empower them to interrupt the cycle with positive self-talk and mindful actions. It’s not about controlling feelings but understanding how thoughts influence them and choosing healthier responses.
The Universality of Heroism (Carrie Goldman): Heroism isn’t limited to one kind of person or character. From Black Panther to Moana, we show kids that heroes come in all forms. They teach us that being heroic means embracing who you are, understanding your values, and making choices to help yourself and others.
Heroes as Teachers of Resilience (Carrie Goldman): “Every heroic journey begins with a challenge. Moana ventures beyond her island to save her people, and Tiana turns into a frog before achieving her dreams. These stories teach kids that setbacks are not the end—they are stepping stones to growth. By identifying with these heroes, children learn that resilience is built through perseverance, even when the odds feel insurmountable.”
Teaching Positive Self-Talk (Carrie Goldman): When a child faces anxiety, their brain might say, ‘You’re going to fail; you’re not good enough.’ These automatic thoughts intensify fear. Instead, we teach kids to challenge these thoughts with positive self-talk, like ‘I can try my best, and that’s okay.’ This reframing can help them manage their emotions and approach challenges with more confidence.
Engaging Kids Through Pop Culture (Carrie Goldman): Pop culture is a powerful tool for teaching emotional intelligence. Kids might resist discussing their own feelings, but they’ll eagerly talk about Elsa’s fears or Hulk’s anger. These discussions open the door to exploring their own emotions indirectly, fostering a deeper understanding of themselves.
Validating Children’s Feelings (Carrie Goldman): Before jumping to solutions, it’s crucial to validate a child’s emotions. When we say, ‘I see you’re scared,’ we show them we understand. This builds trust and opens the door for constructive conversations about how they can manage those feelings.
Resilience is a Skill, Not a Trait (Carrie Goldman): Resilience isn’t something you’re born with—it’s something you build. Every time a child faces a setback and learns to recover, they’re practicing resilience. This means even big failures can become opportunities for growth, as long as they’re framed constructively.
Lessons from Elsa’s Journey (Carrie Goldman): Elsa teaches kids that fear can lead to avoidance, but understanding your emotions can lead to growth. When Elsa learns to embrace her powers and trust herself, she stops isolating and starts connecting. It’s a lesson every child can apply to their own fears.
The Role of Validation and Gradual Steps (Carrie Goldman): When a child is overwhelmed, asking them to jump from a ‘two’ to a ‘ten’ emotionally isn’t realistic. Instead, we focus on small steps—getting from a ‘two’ to a ‘four.’ Celebrate those small wins, like getting out of bed or putting on shoes, because each step builds confidence and resilience.
The Value of Fandoms (Carrie Goldman): Pay attention to your child’s fandoms—whether it’s Taylor Swift or Minecraft—because these interests are keys to connection. Talking about why a song or story resonates with them can reveal deeper insights into their thoughts and feelings.
Reframing Negative Self-Talk (Dr. Robyn Silverman): Teaching kids to name their negative self-talk as an external voice—like ‘That’s Bruce talking’—helps them separate those thoughts from their identity. This reframing allows them to challenge and respond to those thoughts more effectively.
Connecting Through Pop Culture (Carrie Goldman): Parents often struggle to connect with teens, but pop culture can be a bridge. Whether it’s Olivia Rodrigo’s lyrics or a favorite superhero movie, these shared experiences provide a starting point for meaningful conversations.
Resilience in the Heroic Journey (Carrie Goldman): The Heroic Journey Curriculum uses diverse heroes to teach resilience and emotional intelligence. From Moana to Black Panther, kids see that every hero faces adversity, but it’s their perseverance that defines them. These lessons are relatable and inspiring.
Mindfulness and Emotional Awareness (Carrie Goldman): Teaching mindfulness helps kids become aware of their emotions and how their thoughts influence their behavior. By practicing mindfulness, they can pause, reflect, and choose responses that align with their goals and values.
Learning from Vulnerability (Carrie Goldman): As kids grow older, they often become more reluctant to share their vulnerabilities, fearing judgment from peers. Pop culture provides a safe context for discussing these feelings indirectly, building emotional awareness and resilience.
Celebrating Small Wins (Carrie Goldman): Progress is about celebrating the small victories. If a child struggles to leave the house, simply putting on their shoes can be a success. These moments build the foundation for long-term growth.
Heroes as Mirrors for Growth (Carrie Goldman): Superheroes reflect the struggles and triumphs we all face. Whether it’s Spider-Man’s self-doubt or Hulk’s anger, kids see their own challenges mirrored and learn that they too can overcome.
Building Psychological Fortitude (Carrie Goldman): Even on bad days, resilience means finding small ways to move forward. If you’re at a ‘two,’ ask, ‘What would it take to get to a four?’ These small shifts build psychological strength over time.
Utilizing the Backdoor Strategy (Dr. Robyn Silverman): Instead of addressing heavy topics head-on, use characters and stories your kids love. Discuss what Elsa might feel after isolating herself or why Moana chose her journey. These conversations are less intimidating but just as impactful.
Notable Quotables:
“Kids often won’t tell you about their own fears, but they’ll eagerly share what they think about Elsa or Hulk. That’s where we start—by talking about the heroes they love.” – Carrie Goldman
“When Elsa feels overwhelmed by fear, she isolates herself because her thoughts are telling her she’s dangerous. That’s the cycle we want kids to recognize—how their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors connect.” – Carrie Goldman
“Resilience isn’t something you’re born with—it’s something you build. Every time a child faces a setback and learns to recover, they’re practicing resilience, step by step.” – Carrie Goldman
“The first step is to validate their feelings. Saying, ‘I see you’re scared,’ lets them know you understand. Then, we can talk about how to move forward together.” – Carrie Goldman
“Every hero starts with a challenge, whether it’s Moana leaving her island or Black Panther stepping into leadership. These stories remind us that growth comes from facing adversity.” – Carrie Goldman
“Sometimes, when kids hear their negative self-talk, they don’t realize it’s not their voice. By naming negative self-talk, kids can learn to separate it from their identity and challenge it effectively” – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“We’re not trying to erase feelings like fear or anger. Instead, we help kids say, ‘I see you, I hear you,’ and then choose how to respond.” – Carrie Goldman
“Pop culture is a bridge to our kids’ worlds. If they’re obsessed with Minecraft or Taylor Swift, dive into that. Ask why it matters to them. Those moments can lead to the most real conversations.” – Carrie Goldman
“Sometimes resilience means just getting from a two to a four on the emotional scale. It’s not about jumping to a ten—it’s about small, meaningful wins.” – Carrie Goldman
“The stories kids love aren’t just entertainment—they’re models of resilience and growth. They show that even heroes struggle, but they keep going.” – Carrie Goldman
“You don’t have to fix everything right away. Start by listening and validating. Kids will open up when they feel truly seen and heard.” – Carrie Goldman
“The best part about using superheroes is that kids already know and love them. When we show how Hulk manages anger or how Elsa faces fear, it resonates in ways that feel real to them.” – Carrie Goldman
Get a copy of her books: – Bullied: What Every Parent, Teacher, and Kid Needs to Know About Ending the Cycle of Fear (August 6, 2013)
– Jazzy’s Quest: Adopted and Amazing (June 2015)
– Jazzy’s Quest: What Matters Most (September 26, 2016)
– Jazzy’s Quest: Camp to Belong (May 8, 2019)
– Amazon Link
Using Pop Culture as Emotional Proxies (Carrie Goldman): We found that kids are often reluctant to talk about their own vulnerabilities. But they open up through proxies, like their favorite characters—Harry Potter, Hulk, or Elsa. Discussing a character’s struggles allows them to explore their feelings and consider strategies for coping. For example, a child who struggles with anger might avoid talking about their own triggers but could talk about the Hulk’s transformation. By discussing these characters, we create a backdoor into emotional conversations that feel less threatening and more engaging.
“Kids often won’t tell you about their own fears, but they’ll eagerly share what they think about Elsa or Hulk. That’s where we start—by talking about the heroes they love.” – Carrie Goldman
