How to Talk to Bigger Kids about Bigger Feelings with Alyssa Blask Campbell

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Mini Synopsis:

As kids grow, so do their feelings—and sometimes those big emotions can feel overwhelming for both children and parents. In this episode of How to Talk to Kids About Anything, Dr. Robyn Silverman sits down with Alyssa Blask Campbell, CEO of Seed & Sew and author of Tiny Humans, Big Emotions, to discuss how parents can help bigger kids handle bigger feelings. Together, they explore practical strategies, conversation starters, and tools to build emotional intelligence, resilience, and connection at home.

INTRODUCTION:

Big feelings can be hard to handle—especially when they belong to the various humans in our lives. Whether it’s toddler tantrums or tween meltdowns, parents and educators alike are often left wondering: “What do I do in this moment?” Today’s guest, Alyssa Blask Campbell, is here to help us understand what’s happening behind the emotional outbursts and how we can respond with intention rather than react out of frustration. With her background in emotional development and years of experience working with young children and their caregivers, she brings a powerful message about raising emotionally intelligent kids. We’ll be talking about the strategies outlined in her bestselling book Tiny Humans, Big Emotions, as well as her new book Big Kids, Bigger Feelings, which focuses on the complex emotions of school-age children. If you’ve ever wondered how to support your child’s emotional growth while navigating the chaos of everyday life—this conversation is for you.

Bio:

Alyssa Blask Campbell, M.Ed., is the CEO of Seed & Sew, an emotional development platform supporting parents, educators, and caregivers worldwide. She holds a master’s degree in early childhood education and is the co-creator of the Collaborative Emotion Processing (CEP) method, which she researched extensively across the U.S. Alyssa is a leading expert in emotional intelligence and the author of the bestselling book Tiny Humans, Big Emotions, with her second book, Big Kids, Bigger Feelings, out TODAY. Her work has helped thousands of families better understand and respond to children’s big feelings with empathy and connection. Alyssa’s mission is simple but powerful: to change how adults experience children’s emotions—so we can raise emotionally resilient kids together.

Important Messages:

Big Kids, Big Feelings – Dr. Robyn
“As children grow older, their problems may seem more complicated, but that doesn’t mean their emotions are any less valid. In fact, the stakes can feel even higher because bigger kids are managing more responsibilities, pressures, and social dynamics. Parents sometimes think older kids should ‘know better’ or be able to handle it on their own, but they still need guidance. When we acknowledge their feelings without judgment, we help them feel seen and supported.”
Emotional Development Is Ongoing – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“We often assume that once kids reach middle school or high school, they should have mastered their feelings. But emotional regulation is a lifelong skill. Even adults are still working on it! For bigger kids, their brains are still developing, their hormones are shifting, and their lives are getting more complex. They need us to teach, model, and practice emotional skills with them—not expect perfection.”
Behavior Is Communication – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“When a child slams a door, talks back, or withdraws, it’s not random—it’s communication. They’re showing us something about what they’re feeling and what they need. Instead of jumping straight to discipline, we can get curious: what’s underneath that behavior? When parents pause to ask that question, we open the door to problem-solving instead of power struggles.”
Co-Regulation Before Self-Regulation – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“Self-regulation doesn’t just appear overnight. First, kids need co-regulation. That means when they’re upset, they need us to be calm, grounded, and safe so they can borrow our regulation. Over time, through repeated experiences, they start to internalize those skills. But we can’t expect a child to self-regulate if they haven’t had enough opportunities to co-regulate with a caring adult.”
The Power of Naming Emotions – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“When we put words to what kids are feeling—‘It seems like you’re frustrated’ or ‘You look disappointed’—we help them build emotional vocabulary. That doesn’t just make them feel understood, it also gives them the tools to talk about their inner world. A child who can say ‘I’m anxious’ instead of just melting down is already on their way to problem-solving. Naming is one of the most powerful steps we can take as parents.”
Validation Strengthens Connection – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“One of the most healing things we can say to a child is, ‘That makes sense.’ When kids feel validated, they’re less likely to escalate and more likely to open up. Validation doesn’t mean we agree with every thought or behavior, but it shows respect for their experience. For bigger kids who are navigating peer pressure, academic stress, and identity, validation can be a lifeline. It says, ‘I get it, and I’m here with you.’”
Modeling Emotional Regulation – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“If we want kids to handle their big feelings well, we have to show them what that looks like. That might mean taking a deep breath when we’re frustrated, apologizing when we lose our cool, or narrating our own coping strategies out loud. Kids learn more from what we do than from what we say. When they see us manage our emotions in real time, they get a roadmap for how to handle theirs.”
Don’t Rush to Fix – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“When kids are upset, our instinct as parents is often to jump in with solutions. But if we rush to fix, we miss the chance to just sit with them in their feelings. What they need first is presence, empathy, and space to process. Once they feel understood, then they may be ready to brainstorm solutions. Connection has to come before correction.”
Developmental Differences Matter – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“A ten-year-old and a sixteen-year-old will both have big feelings, but they’ll express them differently. A younger child might cry or cling, while a teenager may retreat into silence or anger. As parents, we need to remember that behavior is tied to developmental stage. What looks like defiance may actually just be immaturity or overwhelm.”
Safety Is the Foundation – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“Kids can’t regulate if they don’t feel safe. Safety isn’t just physical—it’s emotional, too. That means knowing they won’t be shamed or punished for having feelings. When kids trust that they can bring their emotions to us without fear, they’re much more likely to open up and learn healthy coping skills.”
Connection Over Control – Dr. Robyn
“Parents sometimes think that in order to be effective, they need to double down on rules and control. But what kids really need is connection. When they feel seen and supported, they’re more likely to rise to the occasion. It’s not about giving up boundaries—it’s about making sure the relationship comes first.”
The Role of Curiosity – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“When a child reacts strongly, we can approach it with curiosity instead of judgment. Ask yourself, ‘What’s this behavior telling me? What’s the unmet need here?’ Curiosity helps us stay calmer and keeps the conversation open. Judgment, on the other hand, tends to shut things down quickly.”
Teaching Emotional Agility – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“Emotions aren’t good or bad—they’re information. Teaching kids emotional agility means helping them notice, name, and navigate their feelings without getting stuck. It’s not about eliminating big feelings but learning how to move through them. That’s a skill they’ll use in friendships, academics, and eventually in the workplace.”
Parents Are Emotional Anchors – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“In the middle of a storm, kids need us to be their anchor. That doesn’t mean we don’t have feelings—it means we show up grounded enough that they can borrow our calm. When parents get swept away in the storm too, kids lose their sense of safety. Being an anchor means being steady, compassionate, and consistent, even when our kids’ emotions feel huge.”
Teenagers Still Need Support – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“It’s tempting to think that as kids get older, they should be able to handle things on their own. But teenagers still need co-regulation and guidance. They may push us away with their words, but often they’re testing to see if we’ll stay steady. Underneath the eye-rolls and sarcasm is still a kid who wants to know they’re not alone.”
The Long Game of Emotional Skills – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“Teaching emotional regulation isn’t about a quick fix. It’s about building skills over time through consistent practice. Sometimes kids will stumble or regress, and that’s part of the process. If we can view it as a long game, we’ll be more patient and more effective in helping them grow.”
Repair Is More Important Than Perfection – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“We’re all going to lose our cool sometimes. What matters is not being perfect, but coming back to repair the relationship. Saying, ‘I’m sorry I yelled, I was feeling frustrated’ teaches kids that mistakes are normal and relationships can heal. Repair actually builds trust, because it shows we’re willing to own our actions.”
Boundaries and Compassion Can Coexist – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“Sometimes parents worry that validating feelings means letting go of boundaries. But compassion and boundaries can coexist. You can say, ‘I hear that you’re angry, and it still isn’t okay to slam the door.’ Kids need to know that their feelings are valid and that there are safe ways to express them. That balance helps them thrive.”
Parents Need Tools Too – Dr. Robyn
“We can’t expect ourselves to just instinctively know how to handle every meltdown or big emotion. Parents need strategies, frameworks, and support just as much as kids do. Giving ourselves permission to learn and grow alongside our children is key. When we model that, we show our kids that learning never stops.”
Emotional Growth Is Lifelong – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“The truth is, emotional regulation isn’t just for kids—it’s for all of us. We’re all still figuring out how to handle stress, frustration, and disappointment. When parents admit that they’re learning too, it takes the pressure off kids to be perfect. It reframes the work as a shared journey of growth.”

Notable Quotables:

“As kids grow older, their problems may seem more complicated, but that doesn’t mean their emotions are any less valid.” – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“Emotional regulation is a lifelong skill—even adults are still practicing it.” – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“When a child slams a door or withdraws, it’s not random—it’s communication.” – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“Kids can’t regulate if they don’t feel safe—emotionally and physically.” – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“Connection has to come before correction.” – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“Parents sometimes think that in order to be effective, they need to double down on rules and control. But what kids really need is connection.” – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“Emotions aren’t good or bad—they’re information.” – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“One of the most healing things we can say to a child is, ‘That makes sense.’” – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“If we want kids to handle their big feelings well, we have to show them what that looks like.” – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“Repair actually builds trust, because it shows we’re willing to own our actions.” – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“Teenagers may push us away with their words, but often they’re testing to see if we’ll stay steady.” – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“Underneath the eye-rolls and sarcasm is still a kid who wants to know they’re not alone.” – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“We’re all going to lose our cool sometimes—what matters is coming back to repair the relationship.” – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“Compassion and boundaries can coexist. You can validate the feeling and still set the limit.” – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“Being an anchor means showing up grounded, compassionate, and consistent, even in the storm.” – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“Curiosity keeps the conversation open—judgment shuts it down.” – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“Big kids still need co-regulation. They don’t outgrow the need for our calm.” – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“We can’t want emotional skills to develop overnight—it’s a long game built on practice.” – Alyssa Blask Campbell
“Parents need strategies and support just as much as kids do—we’re learning alongside them.” – Dr. Robyn Silverman