How to Talk about Parenting a Child on the Spectrum with Kate Swenson, Adrian Wood, and Carrie Cariello

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Mini Synopsis:

In this heart-opening episode, Dr. Robyn Silverman speaks with the three co-authors of Autism Out Loud: Kate Swenson, Carrie Cariello, and Adrian Wood, all mothers of children on the autism spectrum. Together, they explore what it truly means to raise a child with autism: the grief, the celebration, the overwhelm, and the unexpected joy.

INTRODUCTION:

Parenting isn’t easy, but what happens to our concept of parenting, family, and raising children when you are a parent of a child with autism?

Today’s episode is a powerful conversation about resilience, connection, and the kind of love that rewrites every rule and probably many of our notions of what it means to have a growing child on the spectrum. When a parent receives an autism diagnosis for their child, life shifts. Expectations change, challenges arise, and the journey ahead can feel uncertain and overwhelming. But in that same space, there is also deep joy, unexpected victories, and a fierce, unwavering love.

Joining me today are three incredible mothers: writers, advocates, and the voices behind the new book Autism Out Loud: Life With a Child on the Spectrum, From Diagnosis Day to Young Adulthood. Each of them brings her own story, her own child, and her own hard-won wisdom.

Bio:

Kate Swenson is the author of Forever Boy and founder of Finding Cooper’s Voice, a supportive community for families impacted by disability. She speaks openly about autism, parenting, and motherhood, creating space for honesty, hope, and connection. Adrian H. Wood is a writer, educator, and mother of four, including a son with special needs. Known for her platform, The Educated Debutante, Adrian brings humor, honesty, and heart to her reflections on parenting, faith, and resilience. And Carrie Cariello is a writer, speaker, and mom of five whose work explores autism, parenting, and marriage. She’s the author of What Color is Monday, and again, together with Kate and Adrian, they’ve created a book filled with honesty, compassion, and truth—a lifeline for parents walking this journey, and a celebration of the love that keeps us going.

Important Messages:

Caregiving Was Born Out of Isolation – Kate Swenson: “For me, it really comes down to being a caregiver. I started a nonprofit about four years ago with my friend Amanda, where our sole focus is helping female caregivers. We felt so alone. We felt like no one was supporting us in any real way. And honestly, the truth is, I never even knew what caregiving was until I was on the bathroom floor crying and Googling support.”
Owning Your Story Builds Connection – Adrian Wood: “I think I started writing because I wanted people to stop whispering about me behind my back. And instead what happened was this entire lifeline of joy and community and people with great educations and deep stories who told me things I had never heard before. And that’s really the beauty of it, isn’t it? When we share, we invite connection.”
There’s No Roadmap; And That’s the Hardest Part – Carrie Cariello: “When we got the diagnosis, I just kept thinking, where is the manual? Where’s the person who’s supposed to show me how this all works? I really wanted someone who had been there, someone who could say, This is what’s coming, this is what you’ll need. Instead, it felt like silence and space. So much space.”
Autism Is a Family Diagnosis – Kate Swenson: “We talk about autism like it’s just the child, but the whole family is living it. I watch my younger children live differently because of their brother. They grow up faster. They ask harder questions. They learn compassion earlier than most.”
Invisible Diagnoses Are Often Misunderstood – Carrie Cariello: “Autism is invisible. People don’t see it the way they see a broken arm or a wheelchair. So when your child melts down in public, people don’t give you grace. They just stare, or they move away. And that’s incredibly isolating.”
Glass Siblings Need Recognition Too – Adrian Wood: “There’s this term, glass siblings, and it’s so accurate. These are the neurotypical siblings who are transparent to the world — no one sees their grief, their pride, or the weight they carry. They’re often the ones who adapt the most without being asked. And they do it with such quiet strength.”
Acceptance Brought Celebration – Kate Swenson: “Once I stopped trying to fix my son, I could finally see him. I was so busy pushing back against the diagnosis that I was missing his life. But when I leaned in, when I started celebrating instead of resisting, everything changed. It didn’t get easier — but it got clearer.”
You Walk In and Out With the Same Child – Carrie Cariello: “I always say this — the day of the diagnosis, nothing about your child changes. You walk in and walk out with the same child. The only thing that changes is what the world now expects of you and them. And you learn to carry that.”
Let Today Be Enough – Adrian Wood: “We get caught up in this pressure to prepare for five years from now, ten years. But sometimes you just have to let today be enough. If we’re breathing and fed and maybe even smiling, we’re winning. That’s the bar, and it’s enough.”
The Importance of Humor and Help – Adrian Wood: “We laugh a lot. We also get help. We say yes when someone offers to bring dinner or sit with the kids. Because if you can’t laugh and you can’t accept help, it’s going to be a lot harder than it needs to be.”
Caregiving Was Born Out of Isolation
Kate Swenson: “I started a nonprofit about four years ago with my friend Amanda, where our sole focus is helping female caregivers. At my lowest point, I was on my bathroom floor crying. I felt like there was no help, that I couldn’t finish this race. Finding people who were going through the same thing is what saved me. And I found them just by sharing.”
The Power of Sharing Your Story
Adrian Wood: “When I started sharing, I didn’t want people whispering about what was happening with the Wood family. But instead of gossip, what I got was joy, connection, and this entire lifeline of support. I met people with deep stories who taught me things I never would’ve known. That’s the power of community. That’s what this platform has given me.”
Grief, Joy, and Growth Can Coexist
Kate Swenson: “When I hit my breaking point and realized I couldn’t fix autism, I had to meet my son where he was and celebrate him. I was missing his life by running from grief. But once I unpacked those feelings, I healed quickly. That doesn’t mean it’s always easy. Yesterday I had a meeting where they said Cooper isn’t even at a first grade reading level — but now I face that grief differently.”
Autism Is a Family Diagnosis
Kate Swenson: “It affects every single person in the family. I didn’t know my other son Sawyer would grieve. I didn’t know he’d feel pride, embarrassment, sadness, and joy all rolled into one. Watching him grow up alongside disability has been fascinating and emotional. It’s never just about the one child.”
Invisible Conditions Deserve Grace – Carrie Cariello: “Autism is invisible. People don’t see it like a broken leg or a cast. So when your child has a meltdown in public, people don’t give you grace — they give you judgment. That kind of misunderstanding is one of the most painful parts of parenting a child with autism. You constantly feel unseen and misread.”
You Walk In and Out with the Same Child – Carrie Cariello: “When you receive the diagnosis, you’re still walking out with the same child you brought in. The love is the same. The child is the same. It’s only everything around them that begins to shift. That’s what makes it both powerful and painful.”
Glass Siblings Deserve a Spotlight – Adrian Wood: “People often forget about the siblings. I don’t see that bond as any less important than the parent-child one. My son Russell is ready to look at colleges, and we haven’t gone yet because of the planning involved with Amos. Autism affects every plan, every detail. And the siblings know it — they carry it too.”
What Is Autism? It’s a Whole Person – Kate Swenson: “People expect a clinical definition, but I can’t pull autism out of Cooper like a puzzle piece. It’s all of him. He’s a beautiful boy who learns differently. He loves trains and snacks and being silly. That’s what I tell kids — I explain who he is, not just what autism is.”
There Is No Manual – Carrie Cariello: “I kept asking, where is the person who’s going to tell me what happens next? Where’s the manual for this? I wanted someone who had been there to say, ‘Here’s what’s coming.’ But there was just silence. So much silence and so much space.”
Today Is Enough – Adrian Wood: “We spend so much time worrying about next year, and the year after that. But I’ve learned that today is enough. We went out to my father-in-law’s favorite restaurant after this podcast, and that was our day. That was the win. Just being present is enough.”
Do What Works, Even If It Looks Different – Kate Swenson: “We went to a baseball game last night with iPads, snacks, wagons, umbrellas — everything. We didn’t look like the other families. But we were there. And that was the win. Show up in your own way.”
Laughter Is Essential – Adrian Wood: “We laugh a lot in this house. Last night, my husband and I took a boat ride with Amos and just talked about our day. It was simple, but it filled my soul. You have to take those moments. And when you can, get help so you can have more of them.”
Sometimes There’s No Fix, and That’s Okay – Adrian Wood: “There doesn’t always have to be a solution. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out. We wanted Amos at his brother’s graduation, but we knew it wouldn’t go well. So we made the hard call. And we let that be okay.”
Find Community, and Take Shortcuts – Kate Swenson: “Finding community is the number one thing. But also — make your life easier. Modify your home. Ask for help. Don’t be afraid to make things different if it means surviving the day.”
Believe Us – Kate Swenson: “Please just believe me. When we can’t show up, it’s not because we didn’t want to. Maybe the Wi-Fi didn’t work, or there was no fence at the family party. I carry so much guilt already. Just believe that I’m doing my best.”
You Can Feel Everything at Once – Kate Swenson: “I remember my daughter babbling for the first time. I celebrated for her, but I cried for Cooper. You learn that things can be more than one thing. You can be happy and sad. And that’s what this life teaches you.”
Let the Child Speak Louder Than the Diagnosis – Carrie Cariello: “Autism is not the gift. My son is. We don’t need to sugarcoat the diagnosis. It’s hard. But the love, the pride, the strength — it’s all real.”

Notable Quotables:

“Autism is not the gift. My son is the gift.” — Carrie Cariello

“You walk into the diagnosis with the same child you walk out with. The only thing that changes is how the world sees them.” — Carrie Cariello

“I was missing my son’s life because I was so focused on fixing him. When I finally let go of that, I could actually see him.” — Kate Swenson

“We laugh a lot in this house. If we didn’t, I don’t know how we’d make it through.” — Adrian Wood

“We are failing families of children with disabilities when we only focus on the diagnosis and not the entire family.” — Kate Swenson

“Sometimes there isn’t a solution. There’s just love and a really hard choice.” — Adrian Wood

“Finding other people going through the same thing saved me. I found them by sharing, and they became my lifeline.” — Kate Swenson

“Today is enough. If we’re breathing, fed, and maybe even smiling, that’s enough for now.” — Adrian Wood

“You can be happy for one child and sad for another in the same breath. That’s the emotional math of parenting kids with different needs.” — Kate Swenson

“There’s no Hallmark card for what you go through. But there should be.” — Carrie Cariello

“Just believe me. I’m doing my best, and sometimes we can’t show up — but it’s not because we didn’t want to.” — Kate Swenson

“Autism isn’t something I can separate from my child. It’s not a piece to be pulled out — it’s part of his whole being.” — Kate Swenson

“When you let go of expectations and lean into what is, you find a different kind of joy — one that doesn’t need fixing.” — Dr. Robyn Silverman

“The siblings are grieving too. They carry the weight without anyone asking, and they do it quietly.” — Adrian Wood

“Parenting is the ultimate do-over. You’re not supposed to have all the answers the first time.” — Dr. Robyn Silverman

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