How to Talk about Love, Trauma, Fostering, and Family with Peter Mutabazi

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Mini Synopsis:

What does it mean to choose love when trauma, abandonment, and adversity have shaped your story? In this powerful episode, Dr. Robyn sits down with Peter Mutabazi, a former street child turned foster father of over 40 children, to unpack how early pain and relentless hope can coexist. Together, they dive deep into the complexities of fostering, the myths surrounding adoption, and what it really takes to help a child heal. Peter shares his own emotional journey, why love isn’t always enough, and the vital importance of showing up with consistency, truth, and grace. It’s an emotional, vulnerable, and inspiring conversation that reminds us of the resilience of the human spirit—and the transformational power of safe, committed adults.

INTRODUCTION:

Sometimes in life, you get to pick your experiences and they shape you. Other times, your experiences pick you and they change you in ways you never expected. What if you grew up in an abusive household until the age of 10 and then ran away, living on the streets to survive? What if, after years of hardship, a family finally took you in, educated you, loved you, believed in you? How might that rewrite your story? And what if, years later, you opened your own home to children in the foster care system who had nowhere else to go? How would that transform your parenting, your purpose, and your perspective? Today, we’re talking about resilience, belonging, and what it means to show up for kids who need us most.

Bio:

Peter Mutabazi is a speaker, author, entrepreneur, and international advocate for vulnerable children. A former street kid turned foster dad, he is the founder of Now I Am Known, an organization providing resources that uplift and affirm children. Peter has worked with global organizations like World Vision and Compassion International, and has been featured on The TODAY Show and the BBC. He lives in Charlotte, NC, where he continues to foster children and share messages of hope, resilience, and belonging. We’ve interviewed Peter on a past episode on his book, Now I AM Known and now, we have him here to talk about his new book, Love Does Not Conquer All: And Other Surprising Lessons I Learned as a Foster Dad to More Than 40 Kids. Learn more at www.nowiamknown.com and follow him on social media @fosterdadflipper.

Important Messages:

Love Is Not Enough
Peter Mutabazi: “When I wrote the book, the publisher wanted to call it ‘Love Is Enough.’ But I said, ‘Absolutely not.’ Because for me, as a foster parent, I have seen that love does not conquer all. Sometimes kids come with so much trauma, so much pain, and they don’t want your love. They can’t accept your love right away because they’ve been let down too many times. What they need is safety, consistency, and someone who doesn’t give up.”
The Power of Showing Up
Peter Mutabazi: “Kids in the foster system have heard every promise broken. But when you keep showing up—every day, every meal, every school pickup—they start to believe you’re not going anywhere. I told one of my kids once, ‘I’ll be here tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day.’ It’s that consistency that breaks through their walls. Love isn’t about grand gestures—it’s about presence.”
Healing Takes Time and Patience
Peter Mutabazi: “When a child acts out, people say, ‘Oh, they’re bad.’ But we have to look deeper. They’re hurting. They don’t trust that anyone will stay. And sometimes they push you away just to test if you’ll come back. That’s when you lean in more, not less.”
The Complexity of Foster Care
Peter Mutabazi: “Fostering is never straightforward. You get attached, they leave, and it breaks you. But that’s the job—we’re not here to make it easy on ourselves. We’re here to provide love and safety, even if it’s temporary. Even if it hurts us.”
Love Is an Action Word
Peter Mutabazi: “It’s not what we say, it’s what we do. I can tell a kid I love them a hundred times, but if I don’t show up when they need me, it means nothing. Kids in care have heard a lot of empty words. They watch what you do.”
Healing Happens Through Relationship
Peter Mutabazi: “I grew up in a home with abuse. I ran away at 10 and lived on the streets. I didn’t know what love looked like. But when someone finally saw me, fed me, educated me—that’s when I began to heal. One person can change everything.”
Resilience Is Built, Not Born
Dr. Robyn: “People think resilience just happens, but it’s grown through connection and support. You can’t expect kids to ‘bounce back’ from trauma on their own. They need people around them who believe in their strength and walk with them as they grow.”
The Problem With Perfectionism in Parenting
Dr. Robyn: “We want to be the perfect parent, but that’s not real. It’s okay to mess up, say sorry, and try again. That teaches kids more than pretending to have it all together. Vulnerability builds trust.”
The Invisible Wounds of Trauma
Peter Mutabazi: “People don’t see what these kids carry. Just because they’re not bleeding doesn’t mean they’re not hurting. Some wounds are invisible, but they show up in behavior, in anger, in silence. You have to read between the lines.”
We Need More Foster Parents
Peter Mutabazi: “There are hundreds of thousands of kids in the system and not nearly enough homes. We need more people to say yes, even if it’s messy. These kids don’t need perfect parents—they need consistent ones.”
Love Without Boundaries Can Hurt
Peter Mutabazi: “Sometimes love says no. Sometimes love sets rules and holds the line. Kids feel safe when boundaries are clear. It’s not about control—it’s about care.”
Shared Experiences Build Trust
Peter Mutabazi: “When I tell my kids I was once where they are, they listen. I’m not just preaching from a mountaintop—I lived it. And that matters. That builds trust in ways words can’t.”
Hope Can Be Taught
Peter Mutabazi: “Some kids don’t even know what hope is. But you can model it. You can say, ‘I believe in you,’ and mean it. That kind of belief is contagious.”
Adoption Isn’t a Magic Fix
Dr. Robyn: “Adoption doesn’t erase trauma. It doesn’t flip a switch and suddenly make everything okay. Kids still carry what happened to them. But what adoption can do is give them a stable place to heal.”
Parents Need Support Too
Peter Mutabazi: “You can’t pour from an empty cup. Parents need breaks, need help, need people who say, ‘I see you.’ We expect foster parents to be superheroes, but they’re human.”
Your Story Can Become Someone’s Survival Guide
Dr. Robyn: “When you share your story, you give people permission to feel, to heal, and to keep going. That’s what Peter does—he turns pain into purpose.”
Consistency Builds Connection
Peter Mutabazi: “You build connection over time. Not with big moments, but with a million little ones. Lunches made, hugs given, promises kept. That’s how you build trust.”

Notable Quotables:

“Love does not conquer all—but consistency just might.” — Peter Mutabazi
“You don’t have to be perfect to be a safe place.” — Dr. Robyn
“Kids don’t remember what you said. They remember that you stayed.” — Peter Mutabazi
“Sometimes love means doing the hard thing.” — Peter Mutabazi
“Vulnerability is what connects us—it’s not weakness, it’s strength.” — Dr. Robyn
“Healing isn’t linear, but it always starts with a relationship.” — Peter Mutabazi
“Boundaries are how we show love with structure.” — Dr. Robyn
“When we believe in kids, they start believing in themselves.” — Peter Mutabazi
“It’s not about fixing kids—it’s about walking with them.” — Peter Mutabazi
“Your past doesn’t define you—but it can shape your empathy.” — Dr. Robyn
“Parenting through trauma takes more than love. It takes grace, stamina, and help.” — Peter Mutabazi
“Don’t underestimate what presence can do—it’s everything.” — Peter Mutabazi
“Our kids don’t need perfect. They need real.” — Dr. Robyn
“Show up, again and again. That’s how you change lives.” — Peter Mutabazi
“Hope is a muscle. The more we practice it, the stronger it gets.” — Dr. Robyn