• Empowering Engaged Parenting (Simone Davies): We go into a lot of detail in our book about how you can set up your home, so your children have more capability, like being able to access things themselves so you don’t have to nag them so much and setting things up for success. How to set up activities that actually engage your children so they’re more likely to not want to grab the screen and those kinds of things. And then how can we start to work on ourselves so that we can move from this top-down way that we may have been parenting to something more as their guide, where we’re alongside our child on their journey? So, anything that they’re interested in, we don’t criticize them, but we might just say, Oh, I wonder why you’re thinking that. And then maybe we can give them questions to think about, or, oh, it would be interesting to find out more about that. Let’s go to the library. Let’s call an expert. Oh, actually, your grandma used to be an engineer. Maybe we could contact her, and she can tell you more. So that’s kind of like, you’re not sunk. You’re definitely not sunk. And now just make a few changes, and you will just see the changes, but your children will light up, and that will make all the difference.
• Creating Child-Friendly Spaces (Junnifa Uzodike): Remember that your child is part of your home, right? Many times when we set up our home, we do it from an adult point of view. Many people have never stopped to think, “What does my child see?” Try coming down to your child’s level—if your child is a toddler, literally lie on the floor, go to their height, and ask, “What are they seeing?” Are the chairs too tall? Are there chairs that are the child’s height that they can get into by themselves? If they want to get a cup of water, do they need adult help? Can they reach some of the basic things they need? Can their basic needs be met independently?

Here are some examples for different age groups:

 🟠  Toddlers (0-3 years old):

• • Can the toddler get a cup to get some water?
  • Is there a chair where they can sit to take off their shoes?
  • Is there a little bench by the entrance so they can sit down and take off their shoes?

🟠  4-year-olds:

• • Can they reach to get a dress?
  • Can they choose what they’re going to wear today?
  • Do they have a limited number of options to prevent feeling overwhelmed?
  • Can they reach a hamper to put their dirty clothes into when they take them off?

🟠     3-6 year-olds:

• • Do they have opportunities to make choices?
  • Is their closet set up so they can pick their clothes?
  • Is there a place where they can put their dirty clothes?
  • Is there a stool in the bathroom so they can climb up to wash their hands?

  🟠   Older children (6-12 years old):

• • Do they have tools like books at their level so they can pick a book by themselves?
  • Do they have a dictionary they can read at home?
  • Do they have an atlas to answer their questions?

For older children, is there something they can help with? Is there anything your teenager can feel responsible for in your house? Do they have opportunities to contribute to your home? Instead of being prescriptive, we like to give ideas of things to consider. These are some examples, but they reflect the thoughts that go into making these changes. Hopefully, these are good examples you can use.

• Independence as a Journey (Junnifa Uzodike): When people start to guide their children towards independence, they always think it’s like a switch. They were very dependent, and now they’re just going to switch from becoming dependent to becoming independent. But I like to think about independence as a journey. If you think about feeding your child, for example, you are feeding them however you choose to feed them. And then it gradually moves towards collaboration. Then gradually you move towards them being able to do it by themselves. It’s the same with every kind of independence that we want our children to acquire. It’s a journey. So now you have independence because you’re doing everything with them. So instead of jumping straight to them doing everything for themselves, think about collaboration. How can we do it together? You know, how about I bring the comb and show you how to do it, and then you can do it together? And it feels good too, because there is that relationship. You’re spending time, and then you are slowly extracting yourself and giving it to them. As they become more capable, you are doing less, and they’re doing more. So you are constantly observing to make sure that they are doing as much as they can. So it’s not like a switch; it’s a gradual process done with relationships. You can have the conversation like, Oh, I would really like you to start learning how to do this, but we will do it together.
• Encouraging Independence in Kids (Simone Davies): When I said to my kids, “Oh, why don’t you make your own lunches?” it wasn’t like, “Oh, you have to make your own lunches now because I heard this podcast, and now you have to be independent.” Instead, it was more like, “I’ve been thinking, wouldn’t it be fun if you got to choose what was on your own sandwiches? I know sometimes they’re half-eaten, and I can understand that I don’t always know what you feel like today. So, I’m going to make an area in our fridge and fill it with healthy and good options. Then we can, you know, build the skills together.” So, they’re making their own lunch for us. And then, when they put their lunchbox in the kitchen after school, and things like that. So yeah, I love what Junnifa says about building skills together and making it interesting, so they want to do those things.
• Enduring through the Transition Period (Junnifa Uzodike): It’s also important for parents to know that when you’re starting, it won’t be perfect. It won’t be easy. In fact, it might get a little harder before it gets easier because it’s often simpler to do it ourselves, right? So, having the right expectations and mindset is crucial. Understand that it will be a bit harder during that transition period, but always keep in mind the long-term benefits.
• Letting Go to Foster Independence (Dr. Robyn Silverman): Sometimes we get in our own way because it’s faster and easier when we do things ourselves, like tying someone’s shoes. You want to get out the door, but the kid is taking a long time, and they mess up. This means you have to allocate more time for them because you can’t be in a rush when you’re teaching kids. Letting go can feel uncomfortable for some who might feel less needed. So, we know that doing this won’t be easy, and kids may push back.
• Observance (Simone Davies): When kids are tired and reluctant to accommodate us, it’s important to make plans with them at a neutral time, not during the rushed morning hours. If a child struggles with making breakfast, simplify the task by preparing components the night before, like having cereal ready to just add milk. Save more complex breakfasts for the weekend. But if I’ve made all those agreements and they still come down and say, I don’t feel like it, you do it, then I might just look and observe like connection. Are they just needing a hug and some support? Do I start with some collaboration? So I’m all in Montessori. We love the word observation. Every situation’s going to be different, and it can be very complicated if you have a teenager, for example, who is going through some hormonal things. That’s also going to be a different situation. And they might just be like, Oh, what’s going on for you? There might actually not be anything about breakfast at all. It’s just that they want to be heard.
• Encouraging Curiosity Through Exploration (Simone Davies): This is one of my favorite things because I work with toddlers, but I’ve also raised two young adults. In traditional parenting, we often give children too many answers. For example, when they ask, “Why is the sky blue?” we might think, “Oh, I need to look that up,” and then provide the answer. Instead, we could say, “Oh, that’s a really interesting question. Let’s find out together.” This approach teaches Montessori children to seek answers on their own, engaging them in the learning process. One method is to write down their questions on a piece of paper. If there’s no time to explore the question immediately, you can put it on a “wonder wall” to look up later. This idea is inspired by the book The Brave New Learner, which suggests sparking curiosity in children. For six to twelve-year-olds, you don’t need to give them all the answers. Instead, you can say, “I wonder why?” This sparks their interest and encourages them to think. For example, if you’re looking at a plant, you might ask, “Do you remember what you learned about photosynthesis? How do you think this plant at the bottom gets its light?”
• Modeling Curiosity and Enthusiasm for Learning (Junnifa Uzodike): Modeling curiosity yourself, like showing an interest in the world around you, is crucial. Being joyful about the little things sets a great example. If you’re always on your phone or not engaged, children will learn from your actions more than your words. Modeling an interest in things, such as stopping to smell the roses or saying, “Oh, I wonder what’s going on there, that looks interesting. Let’s look at it,” encourages curiosity. Make curiosity a norm in your home by having interesting conversations about what you see outside. Adults can truly model and be a fountain of enthusiasm for learning.
• Establishing a Rhythmic Daily Flow (Junnifa Uzodike): I think, as you said, every family is different. I like the idea of having a rhythmic flow to the day. The life of a Montessori child should be relatively predictable, not rigid, but with a feel for how the day is going to go. For example, my children wake up, connect with us, and have a conversation about the day. We start with that connection in the morning. As Christians, my children also have their personal prayer time before getting ready for the day. On Saturdays, we prepare their clothes for the week to avoid struggles during the week. They pick their clothes, take a shower, and have breakfast. Currently, the children have breakfast together while I prepare the baby.
• Structuring After-School Activities (Junnifa Uzodike): When they come back from school, we have a quiet time for everyone to decompress. Then, they do different activities like playing instruments, reading, or playing inside. Around 5:00 PM, they play outside for about an hour. We have a schedule where each weekday, one child is the chef. They put dinner together, set the table, and we always have dinner together. Dinner is an important time for connection and sharing. It’s a time to ask how their day went and to share stories and experiences. After dinner, everyone takes a shower because it’s hot in Nigeria. Then, we have a slow time where everyone does their own thing, like reading, playing the piano, or drawing.
• Creating a Sense of Community and Celebration (Junnifa Uzodike): At 8:30 PM, we all journal about the day and then have our evening devotion where we pray together. After that, it’s bedtime for the children, and mom and dad have their adult time. The key is having a rhythm and flow with times for work, calm, and play. It’s important to have open times where children can choose what to do, so not everything is dictated by adults. Opportunities for children to contribute to the home are also crucial. Doing chores makes them feel part of a community, fulfilling an unconscious need. Lastly, dinner in our house has become a daily celebration. The chef might light candles or put name tags, making it a special family time.
• Engaging Young Children in Family Activities (Simone Davies): You can get young children under six years old to use their intellectual capacity. It’s more top-down with this age group. You can say, “This is something we thought was okay, but now we’re realizing we’re missing out on many family activities.” For example, wouldn’t it be fun to climb trees like Junnifa’s family does? These are the things that children find important and enriching. Spending time together is something they love, so getting an under-six-year-old on board is easy.
• Managing Screen Time for Teenagers (Simone Davies): For six to twelve-year-olds, who are into mental and intellectual independence, you can encourage them to think about and make wise choices regarding screen time. Make new plans for what the afternoon might look like and set agreements for screen use, especially with teenagers. Ensure screens are off at a certain time, particularly after dinner. Acknowledge that screens are how many teenagers communicate with friends. You can allow them to check messages but limit availability. Model good behavior by taking timed breaks from social media. Keep screens in common areas so you can monitor and discuss what they’re watching. This gradual approach helps reduce screen addiction while adding enriching activities.
• Importance of Slowing Down (Junnifa Uzodike): The one thing I would say for parents to do if nothing else is actually just slow down. Often, I feel like we’re trying to do it all, making changes quickly, and moving swiftly through the day. But if we slow down, we can observe, see what’s really important, enjoy, and notice things. Take one step at a time. We’ve given many ideas during this conversation. Slowing down means not trying to implement all of them at once but starting with one thing slowly. When you’re with your baby, instead of rushing, slow down and use gentle hands. Slowing down also means listening to your children instead of always telling them what to do.
• Appreciating Progress and Enjoying the Journey (Junnifa Uzodike): Slow down to listen and hear what your children are telling you, with words and without words. They’re always communicating. Slowing down lets you enjoy the process. It might feel overwhelming, but it goes by quickly. Notice what you and your children are doing right. Even if you’re not a Montessori parent, it’s easy to see what you’re doing wrong, but if you reflect, you’ll realize you’re doing a lot right. The same goes for your child. It’s easy to focus on what they’re not doing, but if you slow down, you’ll see progress. For example, tantrums that used to be big may now be smaller. Appreciating this progress gives you the push you need to keep going. So, just slow down and enjoy the journey.
• Breathe and Observe: Key Montessori Practices (Simone Davies): The first thing that came to mind was to breathe. Breathing allows us to respond rather than react, not just to our children but to all situations. Observing is also crucial in Montessori. It means taking a step back to understand what’s happening. For instance, if a child is having tantrums, observing helps us identify unmet needs and adjust accordingly. Whether it’s morning routines or simple tasks like brushing teeth, observation helps us empower children by giving them choices, like being in charge of small decisions.
• Raising Capable Children: Montessori at Home (Simone Davies): The essence of our book and this conversation is about Montessori at home, nurturing capable children who feel empowered to contribute. From cooking meals to developing creative minds and compassionate hearts, Montessori principles guide us to teach children independence, critical thinking, and empathy. By treating children with respect and guiding them through learning opportunities, we help them grow into individuals who can handle conflicts with compassion and understand themselves and others deeply.
• Enjoying the Parenting Journey (Junnifa Uzodike): It’s essential to enjoy the parenting journey, even amidst its challenges. Each step forward, no matter how small, represents progress. Rather than trying to implement everything at once, focus on making gradual changes and celebrating each achievement. Montessori principles emphasize this approach as a lifestyle, guiding us not just in parenting but in how we live and grow alongside our children.
• Self-Reflection and Growth (Junnifa Uzodike): Parenting is also about self-reflection and personal growth. By looking at ourselves and identifying areas where we can improve, we set a positive example for our children. Instead of criticizing, approach self-improvement with a mindset of continuous learning and enjoyment. Despite its difficulties, parenting offers numerous opportunities for joy and fulfillment when approached consciously and with an appreciation for the journey.