How to Help Kids Thrive Amid Back-to-School Stress with Dr. Michele Borba

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Mini Synopsis:
Back-to-school brings more than just supply lists and jitters—it’s an emotional and developmental transition filled with challenges around friendships, responsibilities, and resilience. Dr. Robyn talks with her friend, internationally recognized educational psychologist Dr. Michele Borba, about how to help kids feel a sense of belonging, develop empathy, and gain crucial life skills that build confidence and resilience.

INTRODUCTION:

There is a lot of emotional stuff to unpack when it comes to back-to-school. Yes, there’s the back-to-school jitters but there is also a great deal of emotion that comes to friendships and how we feel about ourselves and how we can handle different parts of school, responsibilities and relationships. I had a brief conversation with my dear friend, Michele Borba, the other day and I wanted you to hear some of what she said because it applies so well.

Bio:

Dr. Michele Borba is an internationally recognized educational psychologist and expert in bullying, social-emotional learning, and character development and has spoken to over one million participants on five continents. She is a Today Show contributor and author of many books, including her 2 latest Unselfie and Thrivers.

Important Messages:

Begin with What They’re Actually Worried About – Dr. Michele Borba
“They’re worried. They’re concerned. They’re a little bit stressed. So I think that we start not with the back-to-school list and the school supplies, but by listening in to what that child is actually concerned about. What will help your child feel ‘I belong, I’m part of the group,’ or at least, I have a friend.”
Back-to-School Feelings Are About Belonging – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“The empathy that it takes to understand that this is a big switch—and it’s a switch for our kids, but it’s a switch for their friends, too. Relationships sometimes change; ‘this person was my friend last year, and this year they’re different,’ or ‘I feel different.’ There’s a lot going on emotionally, and sometimes the worry isn’t about ‘school’ in general; it’s about very specific moments and relationships. If we can name those entry points with them, we can help them feel more grounded heading in.”
One Friend and One Adult Anchor – Dr. Michele Borba
“A lot of kids don’t have a friend. Let’s start with one friend. And I also want that child to have one supportive adult on that campus who says, ‘I’ve got your back.’ Do they have somebody to be able to sit next to at lunch? Just one person. Where do you find that? Well, fascinating—you’ve got a lot more power than you think, mom.”
Practice Small Openers and Micro-Connections – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“Sometimes kids don’t know how to break in, so we can give them little openers that feel natural. ‘Hey, can I sit here?’ ‘What are you working on?’ ‘I like your water bottle.’ We can also practice noticing and naming the good—‘someone doing something kind,’ or ‘someone who looks like they could use a friend’—and use that as the cue to say hello. Those tiny moments of bravery add up.”
Make Joining Easier with Simple, Rehearsed Scripts – Dr. Michele Borba
“I love what you just gave—our examples of the following questions—because every kid can come up with those. What movie did you see? Did you enjoy Barbie? I’m not saying you put your child into a dialogue like a script, but have a couple of easy entry lines you could ask anybody. Watch what the upstander does: he stands at the side, looks for one child, and if that one kid turns and smiles—that’s your entry point. If nobody smiles, walk on. Practice them until your kids feel safe.”
Friendship Shifts Are Normal but Hard – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“Sometimes kids worry because the friendships they counted on aren’t the same this year. Somebody got into a different class, or they’ve joined a new group, or they’re acting a little different. That can really shake a child’s confidence—like, ‘where do I belong now?’ Helping them name that change as normal and temporary gives them space to adjust without thinking something’s wrong with them.”
One Reliable Anchor Builds Resilience – Dr. Michele Borba
“What helps kids thrive is just knowing there’s one person—one peer or one adult—who will notice them and say hello. That’s all. It doesn’t have to be a crowd or the entire classroom. If you’ve got that one person, it buffers stress. It tells the child, ‘I’m not invisible. I belong somewhere.’”
Parents Can Plant the First Seed of Connection – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“We can’t choose our child’s friends, but we can create opportunities for connections to grow. Invite someone over, set up a low-key get-together, or notice who they naturally gravitate toward. That little nudge, that opening, sometimes turns into the exact relationship that makes school feel safer and more welcoming.”
Small Wins Create a Sense of Belonging – Dr. Michele Borba
“What we’re really doing is building our child’s confidence by helping them collect small wins. A smile back, a shared laugh, a teacher who notices their effort—those are deposits into the ‘I can do this’ bank. Over time, those deposits matter more than one big, grand friendship gesture.”
Rehearse, Role-Play, and Reflect – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“These are skills, just like math or reading. We can practice them. We can role-play ‘what do you say if…?’ or ‘how do you introduce yourself?’ And later we can reflect, like, ‘what worked today, what felt good, what was tricky?’ Practicing doesn’t make kids fake—it makes them prepared. And preparation breeds confidence.”
Teaching Kids It’s Okay to Walk Away – Dr. Michele Borba
“If nobody smiles back, walk on. Don’t stand there and think, ‘I’m doomed.’ That’s one of the best skills you can give your child: the ability to pivot and find another opportunity. Because rejection, even little rejection moments, are part of life. What matters most is that kids know they can recover and keep trying again.”

Parents Can Model Social Courage – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“I think one of the most powerful things we can do is to show our kids how we handle uncomfortable social moments. If we bump into someone we don’t know well, or we’re at a party and it feels awkward, let them see us introduce ourselves, laugh off mistakes, and try again. It normalizes the discomfort and teaches them that courage isn’t the absence of fear—it’s moving through it anyway.”
Kids Don’t Need a Crowd, Just One Connection – Dr. Michele Borba
“We put so much pressure on kids, like they have to have a group. The reality is, all they need is one kid. Just one friend who says, ‘I’ll sit with you,’ or ‘I’ll walk with you.’ That’s enough to help a child feel like they belong. That’s the antidote to loneliness, and we’ve got to remind kids of that so they stop thinking they need 50 best friends.”
Reframe the First Day Nerves – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“It’s so easy for our kids to get wrapped up in the what-ifs: ‘What if no one likes me? What if I don’t know where to sit? What if I don’t have the right clothes?’ We can help them reframe those worries as normal jitters that everyone has. Instead of thinking, ‘I’m the only one,’ we can say, ‘Most kids are nervous right now, and you’re not alone.’ That takes the edge off the fear.”
Name the Strengths They Bring With Them – Dr. Michele Borba
“One of the best ways to give kids confidence going into school is to remind them of what they already bring with them. Are they kind? Are they funny? Do they notice when someone is left out? Those are huge strengths. Tell them, ‘That’s what makes you a great friend,’ so they go in not thinking about what they lack, but what they already have to offer.”
Building Kids’ Confidence Starts with Small Wins – Dr. Michele Borba
“When kids feel like they can’t do something, they start to back away from challenges, and that can become a cycle of self-doubt. But when you give them opportunities to succeed, even in the smallest ways, you’re building their confidence brick by brick. It doesn’t have to be big, monumental moments—it could be helping them notice their progress on homework, showing kindness to a peer, or trying again after a mistake. Those little wins add up to a belief in themselves, and that belief is what allows them to keep going, even when things get hard.”
Friendships Are Central to Emotional Health – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“One of the things that always comes up during back-to-school is friendships. Our kids’ friendships are often the center of their emotional world, and when those relationships feel shaky or they feel excluded, it can be crushing. We have to acknowledge just how big of a deal this is for them, because to kids, friendships are not ‘small stuff.’ They’re practicing connection, belonging, and identity—and how we guide them through those ups and downs really matters.”
Stress and Anxiety Look Different in Every Child – Dr. Michele Borba
“We sometimes think of stress in very obvious terms—a child pacing, crying, or yelling—but stress doesn’t always look like that. Some kids get quiet, withdrawn, or seem like they’re not trying at all. Others may start complaining of headaches or stomachaches. If we only look for one type of reaction, we’ll miss a whole group of kids who are internalizing their anxiety, and those kids need us to see them just as much as the ones who are more outward.”
Modeling Healthy Coping Skills for Kids – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“Our kids are watching how we handle stress, how we manage disappointment, and how we take care of ourselves when things don’t go our way. If we’re snapping at people, ignoring our own needs, or pretending we’re fine when we’re clearly not, they’ll pick up on that. But when we show them that it’s okay to take a breath, talk through feelings, or ask for help, they learn healthier ways to cope. Modeling is one of the most powerful teaching tools we have, especially in those moments when emotions are running high.”
Resilience Is Built Through Struggle, Not Perfection – Dr. Michele Borba
“Parents often want to protect kids from failure because they don’t want to see them hurt, but that can actually rob kids of the chance to build resilience. Struggle is not the enemy—it’s where kids learn perseverance, problem-solving, and self-confidence. When we let them face challenges, make mistakes, and try again, we’re giving them the skills they’ll need for life. Resilience is not about never falling down; it’s about knowing you can get back up.”

Notable Quotables:

“When kids feel seen and valued for who they are, not just what they achieve, they thrive.” – Dr. Michele Borba
“We can’t protect our children from every challenge, but we can give them the tools to navigate those challenges with confidence.” – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“Resilience isn’t about avoiding failure; it’s about knowing you can get back up when things go wrong.” – Dr. Michele Borba
“The way we show up for our kids in the everyday moments often speaks louder than any lecture or lesson.” – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“Thrivers are not born, they’re made. These skills can be taught, modeled, and reinforced in every child.” – Dr. Michele Borba
“Sometimes the greatest gift we give kids is our presence—listening without judgment, without rushing to fix.” – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“Connection is the number one antidote to anxiety, and when our kids know we see them, truly see them, they feel safe.” – Dr. Michele Borba
“We can’t raise resilient kids if we’re only focused on their achievements; resilience grows when kids learn how to handle setbacks with support and guidance.” – Dr. Michele Borba
“As parents, we don’t have to have all the answers—we just need to show up, listen, and let our kids know they matter.” – Dr. Robyn Silverman
“Empathy is teachable, and when we model compassion and curiosity, our children begin to mirror it in their own relationships.” – Dr. Michele Borba
“Thrivers aren’t born, they’re made—built by the daily ways we nurture optimism, gratitude, and connection in our children’s lives.” – Dr. Michele Borba

“The little moments of presence—eye contact, listening without distraction, a simple hug—are what add up to big feelings of security for our kids.” – Dr. Robyn Silverman