The Soft Landing Is One of the Most Powerful Tools You Have — Dr. Robyn Silverman

When a boy comes home from school and flops into a chair, that moment matters. Dr. Robyn’s own son does it daily — and she treats it as one of the most important times of the day. No interrogation, no achievement checklist. Just presence and a willingness to listen.

The Boy Code Is the Junior Version of the Man Box — Dr. Katie Hurley

Research on the man box shows that men in the US, UK, and Mexico largely agree that men should be stoic, strong, providers, and problem-solvers. When Dr. Hurley asked boys the same kinds of questions, she got similar answers in modern language: don’t cry, be strong, suck it up, never show sensitivity, never rat anyone out. These are the unspoken rules that boys are already following by middle school.

Boys Are Allowed to Show Anger, and That’s About It — Dr. Katie Hurley

Dr. Hurley’s own teenage son reviewed her research and added one key insight: you can never show anything but anger. All other emotions — sadness, fear, vulnerability, hurt — fall outside the boy code. That narrow emotional lane is causing serious harm.

Stop Only Photographing Achievements — Dr. Robyn Silverman

We photograph trophies, medals, and awards — but rarely the moment a child showed kindness or helped a friend. Pinning those moments on a bulletin board and pointing back to them — “this is one of your strengths” — builds a richer, more accurate highlight reel than any trophy ever could.

Bullying Programs Have Not Moved the Needle — Dr. Katie Hurley

A recent meta-analysis of bullying programs found that despite decades of zero-tolerance policies, pledge campaigns, and bully-free initiatives, the numbers are essentially unchanged. The type of bullying has evolved — it now happens everywhere digitally, including school-issued Chromebooks, Zoom, Google Docs, and gaming chats — but the interventions have not kept up.

Sidestanders Are More Effective Than Upstanders — Dr. Katie Hurley

We have spent years telling kids to stand up to bullies. But going head-to-head with a bully is exceptionally hard, and it rarely works. A sidestander approach — making eye contact with a targeted peer, walking over, and quietly saying “Hey, we’re over here, let’s go” — is lower risk, more natural, and more likely to actually happen.

We Need to Move From “Boys Will Be Boys” to “How Does It Need to Be?” — Dr. Robyn Silverman

The old refrain has given boys a pass for too long. The real question isn’t what boys have always done — it’s what boys need to actually thrive. That shift in framing changes everything about how we parent, coach, and teach them.

Boys Need a Soft Landing When They Come Home — Dr. Katie Hurley

Too many boys come home from school and are immediately peppered with questions about homework, grades, and practice. They need to flop first. When boys hide behind locked doors, it is often the only place they feel no pressure. A soft landing — unstructured time, no interrogation, just presence — is one of the most powerful tools a parent has.

Ask “How’s Your Mental Health?” Instead of “How Are You?” — Dr. Katie Hurley

Dr. Hurley uses this question with her own family and friends to normalize mental health conversation. When her husband models an honest answer in front of their son, it teaches the boy that naming how you feel is not weakness — it is just how people in this family talk.

The Suicide Rate for Boys Is Three and a Half Times That of Girls — Dr. Katie Hurley

Dr. Hurley works in this field daily, and this statistic does not surprise her — which is itself alarming. Boys are not given enough permission to cry, vent, or simply be with someone. The consequences of that silence are severe and measurable.

Relational Aggression Is Not a Girls’ Issue — Dr. Katie Hurley

The work of Rosalind Wiseman put relational aggression — manipulation, rumor-spreading, social hierarchies — on the map as a girls’ issue. But boy world is full of the same dynamics. Boys climb and fall social hierarchies too, and sometimes push others down just to maintain their standing.

Reframe Masculinity Starting at Age Six — Dr. Katie Hurley

Around age six, boys begin absorbing the messages of the boy code. That is when the work needs to begin. The masculine narrative can be broad, full of compassion and relational leadership. The goal is not to make boys into something they are not — it is to expand what being a boy is allowed to mean.

Listen More Than You Speak — Dr. Katie Hurley

When you ask a boy a real question and then sit back and genuinely listen, you get access to a world you might not fully understand. That is not a failure of parenting — it is an invitation. The boys who feel heard are the boys who keep coming back.