Sweet friends; What should you say or do to help your children when traumatic events happen? In the wake of the ChristChurch shootings in New Zealand– I wanted to provide some helpful resources to anybody/everybody who may speak with children about what they’re hearing/seeing in the news and online. 1.) Here’s a link to download […]
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Special guest: Jenifer Joy Madden.
According to Forbes magazine, the most sought-after attributes in an employee are not technical. All are human-centered, including the ability to work in a team, make decisions, and prioritize. But authors and experts have found a sad shift regardless- During a lecture at Rochester Institute for Technology, Allen Chochinov urged design students not to eliminate human input. He admitted: “Today, if you want to know what’s wrong with a car engine, you can’t even open it. You need to plug in a computer. High schools are dropping shop class. Soon, no one will know how to do anything.” Is he onto something? What do we lose when we gain so much technology?
My next guest says; “In this age when Google, GPS, and artificial intelligence can perform so many of our basic functions, it’s gotten to the point where we need to be actively human so that we are more effective and less overwhelmed.” We have so many tools to simplify our lives- they think for us, navigate for us, create for us, entertain for us but it often seems that these tools that are meant to simplify, leave us busier, crazier, and more “all over the place” than ever. I don’t know about you but I often feel like I’m being shot out of a cannon—running from place to place without a slow-down in sight. Now we’ve talked about technology with Sue Scheff and Devorah Heitner and some other wonderful guests- and we’ve talked about mindfulness not too long ago with crowd-favorite Dr. Laura Markham- but we’ve got to really delve into what’s going to help us thrive and survive in a digital world without losing ourselves and losing our children to screens and technology- and I don’t mean just the time spent on these devices and plugged in- but what we might be losing in terms of creativity, curiosity, empathy, compassion, health and memory—how can we exist in this digital world, maintain what makes us beautifully human, and become, what my next guest calls “durable.”
School shootings, traumatic weather events, local fires and acts of terror– When the world is struck with a catastrophic event, it is natural to want to shield our children from the effects of it. We want to keep their innocence in tact- allowing them to grow up carefree and unfettered—feeling safe and calm wherever they go. We might wonder, if we just don’t talk about it- could our children remain in their happy little bubble for the time being?
The problem is—we live in a world where children receive messages about traumatic events from many different avenues- it’s not just the news that we can easily turn off—or even the 24/7 access to the internet that provides a play by play as negative stories develop. It’s also that different families have different rules about such access- with multiple kids of various ages in their homes who are permitted to have more access- so that might mean you send your blithely innocent child to school, ignorant of the scary events that might have occurred, only to have them bombarded with the news from a more informed (perhaps not accurately so) child on the bus—or from a group of kids in class.
Knowing that something has happened but not having anyone to explain it in age-appropriate terms and how it relates to our specific children can be frightening to anyone. We all need context, assurance and our own concerns addressed by someone we trust—our kids actually need information to feel safe and– as a parent or educator who knows the child, you are the perfect person to have this conversation with them. I’ve talked about this on national TV shows and in written press but I thought it was important to talk about it on my podcast—especially through the lens of anxiety as many kids have trouble dealing with such large-scale events.
My next guest tells us that since you know your child best, “it’s important to manage the conversation (Or, shall we say, tailor it) based on who they are, what they already know, and what it means for them.”
Karen Young has been on our podcast before- talking about anxiety. In fact, her podcast episode is in the top 5 most downloaded episodes of How to Talk to Kids about Anything, of all time. She is back today to discuss with me how we can talk to kids about traumatic world events. Karen has worked as a psychologist in private practice and in educational settings. She founded the popular website, Hey Sigmund, which attracts millions of readers each year. Karen is a sought-after speaker, both at home in Australia and internationally. She is the author of ‘Hey Warrior’, a book for kids to help them understand anxiety and find their ‘brave’. The book has now been translated into a number of languages.
Why do children play sports? According to a study by researchers at Notre Dame’s Center for Ethical Education, it’s to (#1) have fun, then—do something that are good at, improve skills, get exercise, be part of a team and enjoy the excitement of competition. But looking out at many sports fields or at many athletic events- sometimes, if we are being truthful, it looks like we are missing the mark. There are coaches screaming and parents gritting their teeth, fans yelling at referees and teammates shunning other teammates over missed goals or botched moves. What happened to the carefree freedom and fun that sports and athletic engagement once gave us? It’s no wonder so many kids drop out of sports by the age of 13. And if we are really to ask ourselves how we can develop strong athletes who thrive at peak performance- do we really think this is the way? My next guest has some other ideas that can really help us.
John O’Sullivan started the Changing the Game Project in 2012 after two decades as a soccer player- collegiate and professional- and a coach on the youth, high school, college and professional level. He is the author of the #1 bestselling books Changing the Game: The Parents Guide to Raising Happy, High Performing Athletes, Giving Youth Sports Back to our Kids and Is it Wise to Specialize? John’s work has been featured in The Huffington Post, CNN.com, Outside Magazine, ESPN.com, Soccer America and numerous other publications. John is an internationally known speaker for coaches, parents and youth sports organizations, and has spoken for TEDx, the National Soccer Coaches Association of America, US Lacrosse, IMG Academy, and at numerous other events throughout the US, Canada, Asia and Europe. He has a popular podcast for coaches called Way of the Champions and has even consulted with the US Olympic Committee.
Many children grow up with no clue about how money works—what it means to save for something they want, how to spend wisely, how work can translate into money and why we must give to others in need as part of our life’s journey. Somehow, in our busy lives, discussions about money get pushed off until later. But of you think about it, when kids don’t know how money works when they are younger and under your roof, it can set them up for some big money mistakes when they are away at college or off on their own. So “money talks” are some important discussions we all need to have with our kids.
My next guest knows more than a thing or two about these money talks as she’s been having these conversations as long as she can remember with her own parents—that’s just part of growing up Ramsey.
As a #1 New York Times best-selling author, host of The Rachel Cruze Show, and The Rachel Cruze Show podcast, Rachel helps people learn the proper ways to handle money and stay out of debt. She’s authored three best-selling books, including Love Your Life, Not Theirs and Smart Money Smart Kids, which she co-wrote with her father, Dave Ramsey. You can follow Rachel on Twitter and Instagram with the handle @RachelCruze and online at rachelcruze.com, youtube.com/rachelcruze or facebook.com/rachelramseycruze.
We have all seen the spikes in anxiety and stress in our young people these days. There is an unbelievable amount of pressure to succeed, to look perfect, to be liked and to do it all. There are pressures at home, in school, within relationships and it feels heavy and constant. Now, though anxiety has risen among young people overall, studies confirm that it has skyrocketed in girls. What in the world is going on here? And what can we do about it? For the answers to these questions, we are turning to best-selling author, Dr. Lisa Damour.
Lisa Damour writes the monthly adolescence column for the New York Times, serves as a regular contributor to CBS News, maintains a private psychotherapy practice, consults and speaks internationally, and is a Senior Advisor to the Schubert Center for Child Studies at Case Western Reserve University. Dr. Damour is the author of numerous academic papers, chapters, and books related to parenting and child development including her 2016 New York Times best seller, Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood and now, Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls, comes out TODAY- lucky us- so welcome Dr. Lisa Damour
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Ahhh, middle school. The crazy, time of ultimate change between elementary school and high school. Just thinking about it brings up so many memories— not all great, of course, as middle school changes can be confusing and strange as we try to figure out the social scene while trying to understand ourselves. Our brains are growing, our bodies are developing and we are trying to answer questions like “who am I?” What do I like? Is it ok for me to like this while my friends like that? “Do I fit in?” and so much more. And while all of this is happening- we also have to turn our attention to the parents and educators who are not only watching this happen but uniquely involved riding the lines between guiding and letting go, dependence and independence. How, as parents and educators, do we help our middle schoolers navigate these school years that can be filled with angst and bewilderment with humor, grace, success and maybe even a little bit of fun thrown in there?
To answer these questions and more we have Michelle Icard on the show today.
Are you a recovering awkward person? My next guest states she is—although you’d never know it given her amazing insights and understanding of what she has branded, The Science of People. As we know from being a child and certainly a preteen or teenager, we all feel awkward from time to time. Maybe some of us more than others. My own palms get sweaty just thinking about walking into school on the first day of school, after a fight with a friend- or worse, a break up. Blargh. And what about when walking into a party or school event when you aren’t sure who will be there—or when you do and the people who are there aren’t exactly the people you jive with. Do people even say “jive” anymore? Anyway, what if we could tap into the science of people so that we can give the kids and teens in our lives some hacks that allow them to be successful in social situations? And what if some of these hacks could help us connect better and have better conversations with our kids? That would be pretty great, wouldn’t it?
Vanessa Van Edwards is lead investigator at the Science of People—a human behavior research lab. She is the national bestselling author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding With People which was chosen as one of Apple’s Most Anticipated Books of the year. Her work has been featured on CNN, NPR and Fast Company. She writes a monthly column on the science of success for Entrepreneur Magazine and the Huffington Post. She even has a successful Ted Talk which is awesome. She speaks worldwide and I couldn’t be more thrilled to have her stop by our show today.
Many conversations we discuss on this show hold incredible importance and relevance to our lives—but talk of drugs and alcohol abuse—certainly when we hear stories of addiction and overdose often, can grip many parents and educators. Some have seen the fallout from drugs and alcohol abuse first hand—others see how it’s played out in the movies from Sandra Bullock in 28 Days to Meg Ryan in When a Man Loves a Women, Leonardo Decaprio in Basketball Diaries to the newly released Ben is Back with Julia Roberts. So how do we start these vital conversations with our kids about drugs and alcohol so they can have the information they need to make safe and informed choices in real life situations? Do we really need to start these conversations early and how often do we need to talk about it? How can the drugs and alcohol conversation collide head on with the sex conversation? And finally, how can dads get uniquely involved in this conversation? I’m going to speak with Jeremy Schneider today and together, we’ll give you the information you need to start to talk to your kids about drugs and alcohol.
Life gets crazy and parenting can be stressful. Many parents anticipate the stress and experience stress throughout the day—whether it’s morning time and getting the kids off to school, or after-school time when homework must be completed—shuttling multiple children to practices and activities, getting a healthy dinner on the table while dealing with sibling arguments—or dealing with bedtime shenanigans. And let’s not forget friendship issues, electronics battles, getting your kids to clean up after themselves—or life issues like divorce, illness, bullying, work stress and whatever else is your personal bugaboo. Yes- life can be stressful, parenting can stressful—and we focus so much on how we can help our kids, talk to our kids, be there for our kids—but what about us? What about the parents? How do we cope with our stress and what might help us to take a collective breath, allow some of the frustration to fall away and become more mindful so that we can better help ourselves as well as those we love?
Dr. Laura Markham trained as a Clinical Psychologist, earning her PhD from Columbia University. She is the mother of two, now ages 21 and 25. Dr. Laura is the author of the book Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting and Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings: How to Stop the Fighting and Raise Friends for Life. We interviewed her on both of these books as well as on her wonderful workbook called the Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids Workbook—a great resource for parents. You can find her online at http://www.ahaparenting.com