The first thing my daughter, Tallie, wanted to do this morning was go downstairs and have me read her two Spiderman stories from her brother’s new Adventures of Spiderman book he received for Hanukkah last night. So that’s what I did. It was from that book that I read her a good night story before bed last night (because nothing says sleep like Spidey against “Lizardman”). She has also taken a liking to her brother’s new Hess helicopter and truck (so we got her one too that she’ll get for Hanukkah one night).
Tallie loves to climb, tickle-wrestle, play with cars, play baseball, roll in leaves, make snow angels and run. She also loves to play dress up, play dolls, play pretend and get her nails done with Mommy.
My point is that she is beautifully complicated and multi-faceted. She is not one-note. And my guess is, neither is your daughter.
As parents we must be careful. Society tells us that girls are meant to love princesses and pink—and some of them do—but not all of them—and for those who do, that’s not all they love. And it’s vital to our girls’ healthy development that we nurture all sides of them.
The side that likes to pretend. The side that likes to build. The side that likes to do puzzles. The side that likes to run, jump and get dirty. And the side that likes to read about everything from superheroes to bugs (a current interest of Tallie’s) to space to princesses and whatever else perks their curiosity from one week to the next.
My point it; we can’t let society dictate what our daughters love. We must let our girls do that. I’m currently coaching one mom who said to me on a recent coaching call; “I’m really not a fan of swimming so I’m not all that excited about it. But my daughter is.” Yup. Sometimes we are not “in” to what our daughters like.
Tallie asked me for a book on caterpillars last week— not exactly one of my top interests but we got one out from the library. I so want my daughter to be curious, ask to learn more and have a way of delving in. Each time she does this, she acquires knowledge. But she also learns how to learn and how to nurture her own curiosity. The byproduct is probably more important than the immediate learning.
It would be so easy to create a child who is a reflection of our own image. But is that really the goal? As parents, we are charged with the job of bringing out the best in our children—the best version of themselves that they can be rather than the most convenient version of them that we would like to see. There is typically a difference. And while it takes courage to open our eyes and work to help them achieve the goals that light them up inside, as parents, we can help them discover who they truly are, the gifts they can bestow on the world and the people they were always meant to become.
Girls will continue to span a beautiful and diverse continuum of what it means to be a girl. Some will feel best enveloped in pink, frilly dresses playing with dolls and drawing rainbows. Others will feel most at home digging in the dirt, playing sports and reading about Superman and Wonderwoman. But my guess, is that while many will fall somewhere in between, most are destined to jump around that continuum surprising us all. And that’s one of the best parts, isn’t it?
On Sunday morning, Tallie, dressed in her “Dora the Explorer” nightgown, sequestered herself in her room, playing with her “animal hospital” she helped build with her Daddy the night before. On line to be “checked out” were several horses, a tiny kitten, a goat, a sheep and an alien. At the “reception desk” was one of the new “Lottie dolls” dressed in a blue sparkly shirt and a faux fur vest while another Lottie doll, dressed in a frilly purple dance dress, played nurse to her “Dr. Tallie.”
She asked me to play with her as she got her doctor tools ready for x-rays and surgery. “Dr. Mommy,” she explained confidently, “this goat has a fwog in its fwoat. He needs a hug and to take medicine fah 10 days.” She dispensed her pretend medicine and then carefully laid him down on her favorite soft purple blanket in her bed. We went on to diagnose a sick pig, a dog with a broken leg and a feverish cow. I find it fascinating what her mind comes up with while she’s engrossed in play.
After 45 minutes or so, she hugged me and smiled a huge smile. “I yuv you, Mommy. I yuv you the whole world!” To which I responded, “And I love you my sweet love…every single side of you.”
And I do. I really do.